2010+Preview

Rockem Sockem 9 Preview Well well well it is Preview time yet again…and be grateful I didn’t hire Will formerly of Deadspin to write these reviews…has anyone read his previews? [] While I enjoy his writing style, these are far and away the worst previews I have read; they are like 31 variations on why he is a Cardinals fan. No joke, he works the redbirds into almost every one…I promise not to do that with the Mets, god that would be torture…

Anyway…Thanks for taking the time to answer the questions presented to you. With the same guys and not many new players drafted making jokes and assumptions can be pretty tough (translation: boring), but I do love it so…Looking back last year, I wasn’t too far off. 2 out of 3 “Eat For Free’ers” correct with Moon and Fatty, I had Mike in 9th, thought his team stunk (Hmm, whose in 9th this year??). Was a spot off here or there but not too bad otherwise. Anyway, I will reiterate here that I love this league and look forward to draft day now more then Christmas or any other day for that matter. As with all the recent years, I could see any team winning, I do think there is a favorite and an un-favorite if you can call it that, but otherwise we are tightly packed and it will take injuries, a surprise season and an amazing waiver wire pickup to set the final standings in stone. Rockem Number 9 will be epic, and not just because it leads into Rockem X…

Who will eat for free? Who will Sing The Body Electric? Who will wet themselves with anticipation?

Thanks to Don Juan and Liz for hosting this year’s Sausage Fest. Best of luck. Here’s the preview:

(Commish note, as always these were done based on your draft; sorry if you dropped Carlos Zambrano already, also before I read any of your answers, so coincidence’s are just that. Check out the Wiki for full previews complete with Pic’s, Links, Video’s) |http://rockemsockem.wikispaces.com/

Questions:

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? 3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? 5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures) 6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? 7. Anything to say to your competitors?

Team: Dogzilla
Manager: Fatone

1 - Interesting. 13 rounds no pitcher then all pitchers. That was stressful b/c suddenly I felt I couldn't pull the trigger on a pitcher but knew it had to be done so grabbed a few that should be decent. Left myself with a lot of work to do this season.

2 - I'm stoked to have had the first pick again but most stoked to have a pretty versatile middle infield that I should get plenty of production from. I should have taken Juan Pierre earlier or maybe Markakis before Don had a chance to snatch him up.

3 - Going into work the day after attending a Met game and a chick coming up to me to tell me she saw me on tv eating a huge hotdog...dogzilla!

4 - Your moms

5 - Hello Mrs Podsednik: 6 - For the record, at the moment somehow I'm listening to Love Me Like a Song, Kimmie Rhodes featuring Willie Nelson. That must have come from you at some point. But have no idea, strange that question came up.

Commish Take: First pick 2 years in a row?!? THIS SHIT IS RIGGED!!!! “Somebody Knows”. I wish, then I might let myself get a high pick and stop hanging down with the degenerates at the bottom of the table…anywhichwaybutloose, Rockem’s biggest Clint Eastwood fan was the lucky recipient of a Poo-Holes. Don’s effort last year was something for the history books, well sorta, he led most of the season only succumbing in September to the Ryneeack. Good Showing Old Guinea! Well last year ain’t meaning Jack Straw now, so what did Fat One’s 2010 draft get him looking a’like…umm a mixed bag, like his bowling game, no consistency. Big bats and speed early, the Pu and The Mini Donkey (All Rights Reserved Razzball) should be the foundation for some mega pop with Elderberry Wine swiping some bags. The Grandyman can and will in the Bronx, and the Mo-Man should out in Cali, but the 6/7 pick needs a moment.

Maybe the Sausage and Peppers fumes eroded the mind, but I have to think Pierre and Uggla was the reach of the day…granted the Snaaaaake makes you do weird things, but I got a funny feeling both would have been there at least a round later, and a pitcher double of say Hanson and Gallardo would have looked a heaping whole lot better right there, and right now.

Hmm speaking of pitchers…Don wasn’t. (Isn’t there a producer Don Was Not Was?!? []) Breaking the all time record set by Winston, Fatone waited until the 14th round to take the always precious Cumdumpster and back him up with Lil’ Ricky Porcello. Bold move indeed! Will it pay off, I am not betting my lunch money on it, but stranger things have happened…

Prediction: Bottom 3rd, I see a regression to the norm for Fatone.

Team: Whack For My Theriot
Manager: Gallagher

1. //How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?//
 * I feel like I drafted well in comparison to other teams. That being said, no one team stands out that far ahead of the rest (including my own). On the 1983 Orioles scale with Eddie Murray being the highest and John Stefero being the lowest, I would say my team is probably a Ken Singleton. Definitely not a Glenn Gulliver or Aurelio Rodriguez. Suck it, Bald Man **** !‼ **

2. //One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?//
 * I like getting Kazmir in the 20th round if his shoulder doesn't fall off. I don't know that I regret too many picks. I don't feel like I reached for anyone like I usually end up doing. Wait…I think I just heard the sound of Michael Bourn's ribs cracking. He's going to screw me over. **

3. //What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have// // had? //

4//. Whose team are you most impressed with?//
 * Wasn't this a question last year too? I think a new question needs to be asked. This gives Winston too much freedom to be creepy. Let's just say mine has to do with Ellis Valentine, bongos, and Moroccan elves. I'm not sure if it qualifies as "baseball" dream per se. **
 * Impressed is a strong word. I like aspects of several teams but I’m not blown away by any team as a whole. The Commish has tons of power (as opposed to Eben, who apparently forgot that HRs was a stat). Mike’s infield is the starting four for the AL Squad. I like McNally’s starting four pitchers a lot. So much so that I won’t even mention that he has no closers again…or drafted Markakis in the fourth round. I won’t even bring that up! **

// 5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do // // you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, // // will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just // // fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece // // of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures) //

I. ** The luxury tax system is not working and does not help small market teams bridge the gap with the “haves”. The flaw is not in the theory, but rather in the practice and/or enforcement. The system would work if the smaller market teams would re-invest the money they receive back into their rosters. They are free to spend the money however they wish. There were reports a few years ago that the Reds used the millions received in luxury taxes for staff Christmas bonuses and not one penny was put into the farm system, keeping young players, or any significant free agent signings. New rules need to be established to enforce how the money is spent. On a similar note, it doesn’t help when Selig and the owners approve a new ownership group to purchase the Padres who then immediately cry financial woe and say they will not be able to re-sign a home grown player like Adrian Gonzales. Fuck you, San Diego! ** II. ** Mike Piazza. Storm Field is dreamy ** Commish Note: This pic is mine, and it's perfect.... 6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? I. ** I’m listening to the office sales assistant sing in a bizarre murmur. It sounds like someone rolled over her tail. ** II. ** ‘Sunnyside of the Street’ by the Pogues. It’s been stuck in my head for about a month…since I decided to move to Sunnyside ** 7. Anything to say to your competitors?
 * Good luck, I guess. Seriously…I have to win this frikkin’ thing this year. This is bullshit! **


 * I never should have kept that guy with the goat out of the bleachers. **

Commish’s Take: Tim-Tom (Does no one else here watch The Venture Brothers besides Vig? You ALL should.) Got lucky in the 2 hole and scooped himself up a Hanley. No arguments there and from the looks of Tom’s team it seems he went with the “take the best player on the board” mentality throughout. Tom had an uber power outage last year finishing towards the bottom of all offensive categories so he is poised to rebound. He is looking at an “Uptown Girl” to make the leap to “River of Dreams” Status worrying that he isn’t “The Stranger” in his own “You’re My Home”…Fuck you I haven’t listened to Billy Joel in 10 years and you expect me to make apt analogies!??! Plus Billy Joel in Tom’s preview just feels so …dirty. Suck it TG: media type="youtube" key="a_XgQhMPeEQ" height="344" width="425"

Lot’s OF O.F. with the Theriot’s, that’s confusing, but all the outfielders, who are ample, might leave the infield a bit weak going forward. I know that isn’t much of a knock, but there isn’t much to knock here.

I Love the King, and glad last year he broke out, but I think we all have a sliver of doubt that he may regress just a tad (or smidge, your choice) this year. Fantasy aside I hope he only gets better as he is a joy to watch pitch…but since Tom has him? Send him to [|Tacoma] You know Verducci thinks his arm might explode, but what does that Wop know!? Hanson is a great back up for him and both can win a Cy Young.

If his gruesome twosome on the top of his staff falter a bit there may be some questions as I think Zambrano is a good risk to take at 3 but no one wants him to anchor anything more then the evening Water Cooler news. media type="youtube" key="mlVs2ShKPJs" height="344" width="425"

Gallagher has had his share of bad luck in the league, but you know what they say lucky in life….unlucky in fantasy land.

Prediction: Top 3rd. I think this year’s squad powers Tom to a free eats battle…EETS A BATTLE?!?!

Team: Weiters Are The World
Manager: Mike Ryniec 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? 3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? 5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures)
 * A+++ on any scale imaginable. I had a blast. I got almost all the dudes I was targeting minus J-Ro, but even that got worked out in a cool way. I really didn’t like taking Jeter where I did at the moment I picked him, but thought it would still keep with the rest of my overall gameplan. It did. I am psyched. **
 * A+++ also applies to the sausage and peppers portion of the draft. **
 * The White Castle on the cab ride home gets an F minus from Tom’s bathroom Sunday morning. Still always the right move however. **
 * STOKED: Brian McCann in round 5. I was looking to jump and take Wieters there if need be. I positively cannot believe this dude lasted so long.**
 * CHANGED: Troy Glaus. If I wanted a chubby reclamation project that could actually pay off I should have gone with Nick Johnson. Way, way more likely. In fact, i’m pretty sure the email that was sent to the Yankee brass about Johnson was titled “Chubby Reclamation Project That Could Actually Pay Off!” **
 * By far the wackiest event that I was apart of (or accomplice to?) was the heist of a 6-pack of Bud tallboys, by Wallace Black (names have been changed to protect the guilty), straight out of a freezer at Shea. He just walked in and took ‘em. It was amazing. Equal parts balls and stupidity. And an event that I don’t think about often enough. Thanks for that one commish. **
 * I like Bird’s team. For as long as those picks took, he got a nice squad out of it. Lotta crooked numbers on the offensive side, comboed with some legit pitch. The Braves #1 is your #5? Not bad.**
 * Plus Birdie was hugging me a bunch at the draft and I like that too. **
 * this question depends on one thing and one thing only…**
 * WHICH MET IS CURRENTLY INSIDE THE WIDOW HODGES!!!!!!!! **

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? 7. Anything to say to your competitors?
 * Well, I put on Bombs Over Baghdad to write the Commish’s review, so I’m still knee deep in Stankonia currently. Let’s see… **
 * I gotta be honest, the first thing that went through my head was GNR, “Welcome to the Jungle,” upon looking at this bunch… maybe cuz I’m in LA or maybe cuz y’all are in the Jungle Baby! YOU GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! **
 * I think that’s the correct lyric. Winston, can we get Mike to ask Axl about the spelling on that one the next time he’s over? **
 * If I have anything to say to my competitors I will email them directly as I now have their business cards.**

Commish Take: The man came back from Cali-Cali to make Rockem-Rockem-Sockem-Sockem complete once more (2 out of 9 only, I don’t like dem odds). After having spent his acres of down-time-studying-up…was it too much prep work for the new beach bum? Early returns look promising, but this is an odd team for the left coaster from Queens.

A-rod was a no brainer, yet with Mike you never knew…he is the Lee Mazzone of Rockem (I mean he usually has the shakes, side note inside of a joke…hey remember when Mazzone gloriously ended his career with the Orioles? Yeah, me neither). He wants all arms all the time, but he held off, staying with what seems like current or future Sox and Yanks until he grabbed his first arm in the 6th. Sticking with the bats for a second though he plugged some tough to fill gaps (like your mom’s) with Jeter and Pedriora, but a balky wrist and age may make those mistakes come September. The consistency of Morneau is sweet, as is the full Rockie OF. If McCann swings for the fences he will have legit top players at all offensive positions, and that will be offensive to the rest of the league. (Weird “Cannonball” just popped up on Pandora as I was writing this and I think the one musician/celebrity I could see Mike marrying/banging over any other is Kim Deal…weird). media type="youtube" key="7AsId-qVIb4" height="344" width="425" The king of the Staff, has some competition this year and while I dig his steez, skewing young with Kershaw and Gallardo, I have fallen off that Peavy Wagon. I have been in Commisky/Celluar/Whocares Michael (You conveniently have not) and I think those Southsiders will eat up that Alabama boy the minute he stubs his toe and is on the DL. Then again as a #3 you could do a lot worse. 4 closers are a plus and knowing Mike he will find some little bouncing boy to give him a few CG’s here and there and be competitive throughout…just how competitive? (An Omen? The original “Fantastic Voyage” by Lakeside just came on after “Cannonball”…) media type="youtube" key="91E-6biMhJQ" height="344" width="425" Prediction: Top 3rd. Another year, another title hunt for EETS A BOAT.

Team: WolfinSheetsClothing
Manager: McNally On a scale of Miller Lites, Jaegerbombs, spicy sausage and Jameson…
 * 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? **

I would say Smokey.

I don’t know if “stoked” is the right word, but I’m happy about Borbon. Kind of had my eye on him going in and I think I picked him at the right time. I am stoked about Braun, obviously. Should’ve probably changed the Markakis pick, but whatever… we’ll see.
 * 2. One Pick you were stoked about, one you should have changed? **

All I can think of is the upper deck fight at Shea Stadium… basically caused by Wally’s father… precarious footing, literally passing female friends down the stairs to safety, friends and enemies getting ejected… and Adam Smutko yelling, “Hey, man! You wanna step up?!”… In the least masculine/ least intimidating fight voice possible. That’s saying a lot ‘cause I’m a wuss.
 * 3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? **

To be honest… there’s not one team in particular that stands out for me. So, I’ll go with Fatone for the sake of consistency.
 * 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? **

My gut reaction is almost always Anna Benson… partly cause I think she’s filthy. I enjoy that Heidi DeRosa too… but I may have to tip my cap to the Yankee captain… Minka Kelly.
 * 5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do **
 * you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, **
 * will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just **
 * fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece **
 * of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures) **

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) ** A) Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins. Hess truck here I come. B) Oddly enough… Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins.
 * [[image:alg_minka-kelly.jpg]]
 * What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your **
 * team? **


 * 7. Anything to say to your competitors? **

Out along the edges Always where I burn to be The further on the edge The hotter the intensity…

Commish’s take: Having submitted a last minute name change D-Mac hopes to shed the Swayze curse and avoid dying, err finishing amongst the bottom of the barrel. Quick guess how many closers he drafted?!! We will get to that later. First let’s check out his wood…ewww. Love his top of the draft, that many whitey’s is a draft that Bull is envying…and I assuming you thought Howie, Torii, and both Adrian’s were white, I would have too. The speed of Davis and Borbon is obvious, but may need to be shipped around for some pop, as the homer detail seems to have dropped to Braun and Gonzales, but that could be worked with as I think both will probably have monster years (and will need to for Don). Love the Rasmus, huge if he bats in the two hole in front of The Poo. I think I found the root of the rift between D-Mac and Moon their yearly lovers quarrel over JD Drew…I think Moon wins this year, by not having him

Onto the arms….McNally ties someone else (wait for it…) for the best 1-2 punch of Rockem. Haren and Grienke are both control freaks who can strike out any and every one….but just how many games will they win? Grabbing Weaver helps there, and I think your ERA and WHIP may be the envy of the league…but Wins and Saves…ahhh here we go…could be the downfall. Rauch and Gregg huh? So you drafted half of a reliever….Some things never change…

Prediction: Bottom 3rd CURSE STICKS! Not a bad squad assembled by McNally, but in this tight of a league, I don’t see this as Don’s year.

Team: Itallian Stallions
Manager: Vig 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? I feel like my latent mutant power to pick DL only players was in full effect. Totally sweet. Surprised I didn't pick Ken Caminiti or some other dead guy. Had fun though. Definitely didn't mean to announce that I was "bored" at the $7 blue moon bar. Between that and the Joe Nathan pick, I was happier with the Nathan pick. But, I wish I had the Nathan pick back all the same. boosh

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Johan I am psyched about. Again, even my mom knows about the Nathan thing.

3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? Waiting in a bentley for rich french people outside Yankee stadium as the Yanks won the WS this year was pretty crazy. So happy and stressed at the same time. Main French dude got me so pissed off because I wasn't able to land the bentley onto the field like a helicopter to pick him up. I thought I was gonna have to eat his frog ass just to shut him up. We got over it though. The Yanks DID win.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with? I don't know. BK? Eben? I really am not comfortable with seeing Mike the champ get up after his sixth pick and quietly announce that he has every guy wanted. It's like listening to Palpatine cackle "everything's going as I have foreseen...ha ha ha (evil style)ha ha ha ha etc etc" He is a tricky B, B. 5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures) (//Editors Note....I dam sure will//) Matt Kemp is hopefully getting Rihanna to sing as he puts his piece into her pousouir.

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? Screaming Trees Sweet Oblivion. Sick album. OG. However, everytime I look at my team page my mind plays "The Toys Go Winding Down". Everytime.

7. Anything to say to your competitors?

Love you guys!

Commish’s Take: The Wild Card…That’s Vig’s obvious nickname of the moment. Sure we all know Vig will draft Carl Pavano every year (wait he didn’t?!?! SHIOCKING!) and he loves his speed, but this year I think it is pretty safe to say he threw the whole league for a loop with the Nathan Pick of ’10. We will get to that epic moment later. Utley falling to 5 is perfect, and then Vig pushed down the speed pedal, literally with Crawford and Reyes, earning his sitting location the nickname, Guinea Speed Couch….(The name of his and Fatone’s first album). Vig has more Mets on his squad…well then the Mets do currently. Beltran is a great pick, I wondered how long he would last and maybe went a round early, but if healthy he could be huge. Ortiz and Berkman need huge bounce back years for Vig to contend in the power categories though and I don’t think both will, and how much do you really trust Hill?? Not so hot on the Gordon or Renteria either, but Matsui should produce nicely in Cali. Arms time? Arms time.

Love the Santana pick, and then Disaster. Nathan out all year, but one bad pick doesn’t end a draft, but it sure as shit reshapes one, a HUGE closer run that jay did almost single handedly became something for the history books. Closers taken in the 8th 9th 11th 12th 15th, impressive. AJ as a #2 looks better as a #3 honestly, and that is where he could end if Webb comes back healthy…just one of the too many if’s in Italian Land this year….

Prediction: Bottom 3rd. Heavily loaded on Speed and Saves, Vig will need to manage his ass off to eat for free.

Team: Byrnes When I Peavy
Manager: Birdie

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? B+

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? No individual picks but was happy that I have a pitching staff this season. Feels good not knowing my #1 is Roy Oswalt again.

3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? My Dad won tickets at work to a Mets Twilight double header, first row, upper deck....After Mets lost the first and getting killed in the second a bevy of "C" & "D" batteries were being thrown from the rows behind us in the direction of Joel Youngblood. As we were leaving we saw a couple of fans opening cans of tennis balls and throwing them on the field...Yankee games were much more civil, only thing thrown were beers and fists.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with? The Cali boy

5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures)

@http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/gallery/Best_of_the_MLB_WAGs

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? A) Otis Redding 2) Eye of the Tiger

7. Anything to say to your competitors?

Good Luck

Commish’s Take: He came in with a plan, executed said plan and can be happy because of it…that silly plan was to single handedly drink a bottle of Captain Morgan…I LOVE that plan! Oh I am here to judge jury and execute his fantasy team…meah, drinking is more fun…BOMBS!

Ok Bird’s squad. He went the way of the Ryniec (hmmm I am noticing a trend) and got some hard to reach positions out of the way early taking Big Tex to go along with Rollins and Cano, sprinkling his infield with all-stars the way that Crumbs sprinkles chocolate chips on their delicious cupcakes… [] Not ridiculous stacked, like a cheap pornstar, anywhere Birdie has a solid all around squad, he would have been needing some SB’s but that Nyjer Morgan pick late was a steal, and could help him fight for free meals. I think the key here will be Chipper Posada and Wells if any of these guys can play like its 1999, let alone all three, Birdie will be a serious contender…lets look at the pitching portion first shall we?

4 hurlers in a row made sure that Birdie wouldn’t be left behind in his search for the perfect staff…No Staff envy here. Verlander, Beckett, Vasquez gives him a ton of K’s and probably wins, maybe even a CG here or there, but that ERA and Whip could take a bit of a beating. Papel-boner continues the dick jokes and makes the ‘pen formidable with Qualls and Capps backing him up. Lackey as a #4? That’s deep….real deep. I originally labeled this the best staff, and they may end up producing like it, but after closer examination I think he has 4 of the same type of gunners and may need to move a big K guy for a low Whip guy mid season, ahh fuck it I will piss Birdie off, This IS the best staff in the league…

Prediction: Top 3rd. I think Birdie will be fighting for free eats with this deep squad.

Team: CY Grienkeum
Manager: Bull 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Jake Plummer

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

David Price....everyone Jay picked for me

3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had?

Hitting Tom in the face with a baseball was pretty wacky.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?

Jay moons

5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures)

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment

Billy Packer saying "The Big Fella" Tennessee/Michigan St.

2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team?

Donde Esta Santa Clause

7. Anything to say to your competitors?

You should have that thing looked at.

Commish Take: After coming off last year’s horrific season The Ballerinas decided to focus completely on this year…so what did he do? Leave early. Only Bull would schedule a Ballet on draft day….I mean really, we give him shit in a joking manner, but c’mon with this one…you would have loved Senor Swanky’s the most. As punishment you need to do “scouting” missions to Vegas for “dancers” for Rockem X. I expect a full report on my desk by the dinner of Rockem 9. Then again I think the last time a kid left our draft early he won it all….hmmm….on to the Ballerina’s!

Of Course he draft’s two honkeys…you expect anything less from this skinhead racist?!!? Longoria was probably the first mini-surprise of the draft, but you can’t really argue with the pick and it started a trend for Bull, well rounded dudes in tough positions, setting up V-mart in the third. Bull looks to be solid on Speed and Avg, but if Nelson Fucking Cruz doesn’t smackety-whackety-doo 30+dingers (and even if he does) the power may be in short supply in tutu-town.

Bull loves his pitching the way that I love booze at 5:01 on a Friday…dangerously. Cliff Lee and Carpenter man his rotation…tons of talent, and luck could guide him to a title, but I feel like he may be flirting a bit with the dreaded injury triceratops [] that completely stomped his team into extinction last year (By the Way, Tri is THE coolest dinosaur hands down… [] ummm moving on). Yeah Yeah everyone can get hurt, but it seems like these two always ride the pine…and the injuries are never “day to day”. He continued that trend with Harden, who will certainly be on the DL for 3-6 weeks this year, but IF healthy Bull’s starters could work…(like the late Price pick). Not much in the Pen to speak of, but except for Vig no one really does, enjoy Gagne v.2 (Broxton).

Preditcion Middle 3rd- I am guessing the middle, but I could see Bull getting smoked by the league… just like how Tom smoked him in the Roster game at the Draft Order Party…Zing!

Team: NOLA Crawdaddies
Manager: SpD If drafts are like Rolling Stones albums mine would have been Goats Head Soup… I am currently Dancing With Mr. D (L) media type="youtube" key="JWhNbAZZ8-0" height="344" width="425" and in the end it will probably become a Heartbreaker. media type="youtube" key="FtC7WDQEIUc" height="344" width="425" Dooodooodoo indeed...
 * 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Getting Nick (My Father thought of my name while shaving…his junk) Johnson so late could be massive…like //my// Johnson. In the cool light of day, the Danks pick isn’t that bad at all…but Dank-you very little, it still sucked at the time. 3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had? It had to do with Hojo, a ball girl from the Cubs circa 1985 media type="youtube" key="1Z_YheIOmY0" height="344" width="425" and a lot of duct tape…ummm next question.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with? I love this question because I can answer it the same way every year…READ THE PREVIEWS!!!!

5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures)

Only one answer…Lady Met

What? I love me’s some’s cosplay…

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team? A) I slap on Pandora whenever I write the reviews so I can keep it fresh…The Velvet Underground “Venus in Furs” just came on…trippy..goes with the theme of this year... media type="youtube" key="AwzaifhSw2c" height="344" width="425"

B) Oh waaaay to many to count, but I will go mainstream with this old, gloriously shitty tune; “Foreplay/Long Time” media type="youtube" key="BTFD5DZwK7g" height="344" width="425"

It's been such a long time (Since I won this league) I think I should be goin', yeah (Into First Place) And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin' (Word) Sail on, on a distant highway (Yeah…Uh Huh…Suck it !) I've got to keep on chasin' a dream (2nd Rockem Title) I've gotta be on my way (To a Free Dinner) Wish there was something I could say. (err…wait…there’s 11 pages worth..) 7. Anything to say to your competitors? “Wish there was something I could say”….Honestly never knew that was a lyric in that tune…oh well. You need to have your gambles pay off in order to win this league, we are waaaay to tight to just let it ride with the status quo. That said, I am very comfortable with the gambles I took this year and feel I should be in contention unless they all bomb…mmm now I’m Thirsty….

Special Guest Preview, This year we had to pay him his daily rate and a little overtime to come up with this preview…on a beach…ladies and gentleman’s…Michael Ryniec:

The floor was comfy. Carpeted. You could hardly hear the elevator dings going off. I certainly didn’t hear the elevator ding go off when the manager of the hotel in DC we were staying at came to kick me out for being in just my boxers, drunk, hair over my face, and asleep in his hallway.

I was fine with my sleeping arrangements and was having a difficult time understanding why this fellow cared so much? I unconfidently pulled the room # I was supposed to be in out of the air. The manager was having a tough time believing anything I was telling him. I have no key. I have no pants! So we knock on the door of what I hope is my room.

Then rather quickly, he had nothing else to say. Just turned and walked away. Once the door that I said would open was opened by Shawn – woken up, drunk, just in boxers, hair over face.

Thanks buddy.

This actually was going somewhere… Ah, yes! //High Risk. High Reward.// Certainly a policy that both the Commish and I have dabbled in from time to time. For SPD, draft day is no exception.

This squad got some long ball, early and often. Prince and Kinsler and Zimmerman, OH MY! After that, followed some risky business that could pay some big dividends. BJ Upton and Josh Hamilton. BIG 4th and 5th round gambles. Although Upton will get you steals regardless, everybody is waiting for that total package to emerge. Except for people in Tampa Bay who have just recently learned that baseball is played there.

Hamilton is the MAN! When The Man is healthy.

Time machine picks like O-Cab and Scotty Pods kinda drag the Daddies down some. However, there’s a good core here with PLENTY of pop, viable speed, and a couple of dudes that got both. You’re also gonna wanna turn your head when looking at the AVG on this club. The bottom line though is that there will be some big numbers, particularly coming out of some tough positions, all season long.

The other side of board…

Big Ol’ Josh Johnson is a Cy Young waiting to happen.

Ubaldo knows that if hitters don’t touch the ball, it doesn’t matter where your home ballpark is located.

Scott Baker. I guess somebody has to be Brad Radke now that Brad Radke is gone.

And then in walks John Danks!

I gotta say looking at the team in place, I really like this guy in here. Bobby Jenks was the intended target on draft day. But with Jenks’ temper and WHIP perpetually on the rise, this happy accident could be just the kick in the drawers that the Craws were looking for.

Bullpen looks like a contender - K-ROD, Hoffman and the Madison Ave. back-up plan in case Brad jumps off the Lidge. High risk. High Reward…

WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT THEM CRAWDADDIES!!! I think a couple of people are gonna say dat. I see this team not finishing just out of the dinner, but rather just out of just out of the dinner. Call it 5th or 6th. But there are some players who could bounce back in a big way (Hamilton, Soto, Lidge, Dice K) and float these crustaceans (crawdaddy a crustacean?) to a much higher finish.

GUEST PREDICTION: Middle 3rd.

Team: ZeddemoresPoles
Manager: Winston 1.) my scale is rockem men climbing fatone's rooftop stairs: jay moon - fascinating and scary at the same time.

2.) best pick? pablo sandoval last year. Getting married last year... Crickets........... Worst? All my questionmarks and no closers. Lots of question marks.. See my OF and UTIL and closers. ( Wilson says two "and"s makes not a correct sentence. Winston says fuck Wilson. Bk says "I'm an English teacher too" robin says "English teachers don't win rockem sockem essay contests." )

3.) writing answers to these questions while drunk at lansdowne. And having friends like NO one else.

4.) mine. Look at it. 2010 rockem sockem champ. Calling shots B!

5.) the alternative minimum tax sucks a magun condom.

Clay Bucholz ( on my team this year and drafted for this very reason) dated this girl... Erica Ellyson. Google images was made for this.

[|http://www.google.com/m/search?site=images&source=mog&gl=us&q=Erica%20ellyson - ii=7][]

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Dude got married and pregnant 2 years after banging this. He's a man. Are you?

6.) tupac - "I get around". The bases. The free meals. Hopefully the cup, one of the years.

7.) I win.

Commish Take: Submitting himself to DDoubles for a second year puts the M in S&M. (Sidenote, we should open up S&M Donuts, it just rings proper…red hot sprinkles, freshly whipped cream…) He had the luxury of going with his favorite Met because Ron Howard’s adopted brother will be mashing in Philly-or St. Louis if he is traded…Power shouldn’t be a concern for The Black Ghostbuster with Davis, Votto and a reborn-again-maybe Quentin, but Sb’s and Avg will be a concern. Is David Chuckles going to run around Citi as much as last year, mayhaps, but even then, besides Andrus, his squad stumbles all over the place; like a walk home at 6 in the morning after a pound of cheese and a case of whiskey.

Always willing to let those arms fall to the pitcher lovers in the group (you bunch of pervs!) Jeffe grabbed one a bit earlier then usual. With Lester manning his staff the SP’s look solid and if Cueto Liriano or Bucholz puts it all together could be dangerous, Michael Jackson style. God that album sucked…man he sucked as a person ever since Bad. Wait Bad/Dangerous/Good/Suck…what is it!???! I confused my self with dumb references. Maybe his starters will be just that, confusing, but not his closers….because he doesn’t have any, AH-BAH-ZING! While various Sockem members tried out the “Ryniec Theory” Winston decided to hitch his caboose up to the “McNally Strategy” aka FUCK CLOSERS! Let’s see how well that works for him…

The scary thing about Jeff’s team? If I was drafting in that spot, I got a feeling my team would look real similar, Official Kiss of Death….except my closer would be John Danks

Prediction: Middle 3rd. I see The Jeffe having a volatile season, but not necessarily a successful one.

Team: C-town Highpockets
Manager: BK

Anna Benson on the scale of hot baseball wives - I really like the looks of it, but something is a little off when I spend more time with it.
 * 1) Scale:

2. Stoked: McCutchen – I even get to enjoy the baseball package when the Bucs are on. Changed: Filepe Lopez (final Rd. 24) – I took him in the final round last year too, and he became my MI for the season. But I’m pissed because there were three guys available in the last round I wanted to take, and plumb forgot in the mixture of bombs and large Heinekens**.**

3. Wackiest baseball: - Baseball Proper: deciding, while on the train, to forgo Coney Island on a Summer day in order to watch Kenny Lofton patrol center field at Yankee Stadium for the Tribe, and winding up seeing a one-armed man throw a No-No. - Personal: Sex in an abandoned vendor stand at Shea.

4. Impressed: I thought I //loved// my team, but I only //like// it after reviewing everyone else’s (//Anna Benson//). Sorry, __Moon__. I’ll put my whammy on ephedra, this year.

5. Hottest piece: God, I know baseball was my calling in all ways after that bit of research. But, I’ll take Mark’s, Jaime Kotsay. //(yes, small markets __can compete!!__)//

B) In my head: “Pressure Drop.” I suppose there is some symbolism in that, but ultimately it is a song that often drifts into my mind when I am idle.
 * 1) A) At moment, listening to: the theme song of “Little Bill” as Grace watches cartoons

7. Competitors: Anyone else suffer some //valid// Post-Draft Depression all of last week? Happy Baseball, yo!

Commish Take: That big bully BK, who loves //every// player, ended up taking a bunch of good ones and now I have to go review his squad while he is off on Christmas Easter break or whatever silly Jebus holiday this is? (Holy Fart? Immaculate Cumshot? What? Too soon?) Bk brought his drafting mind with him….Straight up production was the name of the game…no favorites played (well maybe Weiters will go home). Locking up his corners and MI within the first 4 rounds was frugal. Will Miggy Cab need the Patron to be Kool and the Gang media type="youtube" key="qchPLaiKocI" height="385" width="480" this year, or will getting him off the sauce see a spike in his numbers? Not sure, but we know he won’t miss the ball very much when he swings (insert wife swapping joke here). Grabbing a Met, he now gets to root for That Dick named Bay…tried to make that a play on Dock in the Bay, failed. Power should be good, I see T.T. boy and his huge wang running less, but McCutchen (dam you BK!) picking up that slack, and hopefully catching that meat: media type="youtube" key="-EnZsEsUTjk" height="385" width="640" The McCutchen pick was McAwesome, as I really like that kid; with Weiters at the backstop BK has room for massive growth. Utility man DeRosa will help out on those off days and overall the bats look, solid if not spectacular. Speed may be an issue, which could be addressed down the road.

A Wainwright fronted staff again isn’t going to make many headlines, but with Hamels as 1A the rotation has serious potential, depending on if he waits for Bedard to get healthy…then hurt again immediately when he comes off the DL. I see Bk dropping him before it gets to that. Wandy =’s Steady…how the fuck did that happen?. BK also went a bit of the different route once the closers got gobbled up by grabbing 2 of the best MR’s in the game with Perez and Adams...uh you know we don’t count holds… Will the strategy work?!??

Prediction: Top 3rd I always love Bk’s drafting motif, and this year is no different, I see him fighting for the title.

Team: Ephedraheartstoppers
Manager: Moon 1. I'm getting pretty used to drafting around the snake. 11, 12, 11 positions last 3 years, both times in 11th position I've had Eben in 12. You can't imagine how this helps a draft (EDITORS NOTE: oh yes I can). As usual I played a safe draft and give myself a B+.

2. Going to focus on 1st and 2nd picks for this question. Based on the tendencies of our managers I really wasn’t sure if Halladay would make it to 11, but super stoked he did. Dude is going to be unstoppable this year. And I hate pitching, so hopefully I don’t have to worry about it with Roy at the top of the staff. I went into the draft set on not taking an OF in the first 2 rounds, but ended up with Kemp. Dude is a great player and in the 14th spot a good pick, just think I should have focused on IF position earlier, maybe Tulo or J-ro.

3. I was watching a Mets game with my brother sometime in the 80's and George Foster was up at bat. My bother said "George is going to hit a home run" and on the next pitch he smacked it out. I was like 8 or 9 and I thought it was the most impossible thing that he could make that happen and didn’t understand why he wouldn't do it every time.

4. Zeddemore -especially when he adds Halladay to his pitching staff at the all-star break.

5. Got to give a shout out to EHS Swisher - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KP-NPJPY-I&aia=true media type="youtube" key="7KP-NPJPY-I" height="385" width="480" 6. All I listen to is sports radio (FAN 660) or kids music. They Might Be Giants are back in kid form. http://www.amazon.com/Here-Come-ABCs-DVD-Combo/dp/B000BEZPSC/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1270570879&sr=8-3. media type="youtube" key="m3Kgj6EiZtw" height="385" width="480" 7. Looking forward to Vegas.

Commish Take: Winning the Manager of the Year award and eating for free was a major accomplishment for J, then I thought about it…what else does this chump do all last year besides play poker and hack the bone to pictures of Vida??? This Moncheechee SHOULD be winning every year. Christ he is on a computer 23 and a half hours a day, I am sure he isn’t watching Slam-puss-food ALL day. He is scouring the wire for the next closer or hot young stud….perv, wasting all that free time.

Moon coined the phrase “Ryniec Strategy” and tried to follow it this year taking the first pitcher off the board…but slow your Jelly Roll Morton, we need to dive into the bats first. It is weird, Kemp is the wave of the future, all the ANALysts bouncing boy, so I thought Moon-diggy would skew young…but he ducked when I thought he would dip and went the AARP route with his bats. Maybe he just wanted a squad older then him, but The Far From Flying (or Being Chinese) Lee Brothers, Raul Ibanez, Konerko, Swisher, all put up good numbers, yet they are also older then dirt…and dirt bust yo’ ass. Doubling up on Fatties from the bay he grabbed 2 movies, Kung Fu Panada and Benji The Hunted (Molina hit 20 Dongs last year? No shit). Going strictly by the numbers Moon’s bats look formidable, but I see lots of those numbers (besides Kemp) regressing like my intellect.

Lets charge up the bullpen cart and cruise on over to point and giggle at Moon’s staff. Surprisingly not a whole heaping lot to laugh about here, as Jay put together a good mix of arms. Halladay…n’uff said, Cain pitches in a great park (4 CG’s last year huh?), Shields is legit and could be poised to breakout this year, and Anderson, Slowey, Niemann are nice insurance policies. Two dominant closers and he already snaked the Cleveland Perez two boots pizza style…see…that Moon needs to get a hobby…

Prediction: Middle 3rd, Tough to judge, but I don’t have faith in the bats holding up, if they do this preview will look even more foolish then it all ready does.

Team: The Spearmint Rhinos
Manager: Wilson 1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

This is the best draft I've have ever had. The Semi-Retired Rhinos will be threatening first place all year.

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Snaking Lincecum and Mauer was an exciting moment; picking up Brian Roberts' boring, Baltimore mediocrity was not.

3. What is the wackiest baseball related event/dream/happening you have had?

It was a cool spring day in 1988, the final year of President Reagan and //Field of Dreams// was the Number 1 VHS rental in America. On this fateful spring day I was on the mound, pitching for //Camden Wire// against the garbage-removal-sponsored team //Bliss Rubbish.// Your comrad was throwing a frightening mixture of bean-balls and 48 mile per hour fastballs with confusing precision, sitting down one 9 year old batter after another, frustrating the vicarious dreams of parents. In the middle of the fourth inning the opposing coach - later outted as a "weirdo" by his own family - approached the umpire with a rule book and some hardened evidence that I was born on July 27th - the same day as Arod - and not after August 1st, making me "four days too old" to pitch in the 9 year old league. I was instantly taken off the mound to the cheers of the opposing team and thus //ended// my pitching career. Were it not for that moment Phil Hughes would still be in Scranton and I'd be the 5th starter for the Bronx Bombers. Alas, the rebuke in the throes of youth and the acquired knowledge that life pivots on technicalities, learned early, led me to tobacco, alcohol and your typical //E! True Hollywood Story//...a sordid path that leads only one place...to //Rockem Sockem//.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?

Here comes the kiss of death...I like Tom's team.

5. Given the fiscal dynamics currently at play in Major League Baseball do you think the current “Luxury Tax” system is working and, going forward, will small market teams be able to consistently contend??? Nah I am just fucking with you…Which Major Leaguer is currently banging the hottest piece of ass? (Feel free to include links or pictures)

Minka Kelly. Hands-down. She looks like one of those adorable-yet-slightly-crazy broads - a cute grenade - who'd spend most of her time making paper machet collages and baking peanut butter cookies, but every now and then flies off the handle and puts a butter knife to your throat. []

6. 2 Peter Part’er: A) What are you listening to right this moment 2) What sound/song/music goes through your head when you are examining your team?

Tinnitus (thank you Raconteurs).

7. Anything to say to your competitors?

Not that I can think of.

Commish Take: Did Eben show up for the draft? I don’t remember him saying a word until he said “I will see YOU in NOLA” at Senor Swanky’s. Huh, guess he was there as I got this team to review…

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! Wilson was so quick at the turn that we made nary a snake joke, thanks for being a Grinch Ebenezer, but the Lincecum Mauer tag team (back again!) looked like the route to take at the time. Looking at the bats now though I think some more work could have been done here. I have no idea where his power is going to come from as he needs MASSIVE bounce back years from Grady, Manny, AssRam and Soriano to even dent the HR and RBI categories. Well then one would think he would have buckets of speed…not so fast…oh god that pun hurt to type. Roberts is the only legit speed threat and his back MRI looks like mine (not a good thing), Gardner will need to run like the wind to keep Eben in the SB game. Actually all of his bats are debatable for even having good seasons…not a good sign, Mauer may be regretting signing that contract with SkeezNeez.

On the Arm side of Things The Full Monty ties McNally for the best 1-2 combo in the game. The Freak and The Whopper (or whatever we call CC) are more then you could ask for (yeah maybe CC should have slid and say Zobrist or Morneau joined the Rhinos, just saying). Behind those two, Hughes winning the starting job looks good, but no real number 4 is locked in, maybe ones not needed. The closers would be the envy of the league, but I think Houston Street left his right arm in Oakland, and Marmol some how seems iffy to close in Chicago this spring (not sure how that happened). Yucky in the bullpen...yucky all around actually.

Prediction: Bottom 3rd I read it in the stars…a collapse of epic proportions for our friend from DC, you buy first lap dance at your teams home base in 2011.

FINAL STANDINGS PREDICTIONS: 12. Wilson 11. Vig 10. Fatone 9. McNally 8. Bull 7. Moon 6. Winston 5. SpD 4. Birdie 3. BK 2. Gallagher 1. Mike

=**E pluribus unum BOOSH!**=