2007+Preview


 * //__Rockem Sockem 6 The League of the Beast 2007 Preview.__//**

It became official last year, and is stamped in stone this year…we are all even when it comes to drafting in this slop bucket of a league. Well except for West Coast Sleeping Beauty (First Vig joke). This preview gets harder and harder to write because of my feeble grasp of the English language, the need to come up with new jokes that you haven’t read before and simply put…I think you are just sick of my style and skip over every review but your own. Savages.

So we went back to the questions idea, not sure if it was last year that they were first employed, but I like the style, almost as much as I like a pregnant Selma Hayek. I said almost…easy. I compiled responses and gave my own spin, and Frank VIOLA!!! A preview emerges (Announcer Voice) //from the belly…of the league…of the Beast…..//

How is this for rational…let’s post in draft order…

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
 * __Dwight Gooden Plenty-__**


 * NC-17**

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?


 * Joe Nathan... I finally got a closer!! As far as what to change... I should’ve drafted a second closer.**

3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10th?


 * I believe I was outside having a smoke thinking, “Where the hell is Vig?”**

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?


 * Marist – NCAA Women’s Basketball**

5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching?


 * Anal implants?**

6. Anything to say to your competitors?


 * I may not have drafted well... But I drafted on time. That’s not a knock at J Vig... I really am impressed that I wasn’t late.**

//Commish’s Corner//: Well McNally had the first pick, and I thought he may throw a curveball at us this year…or more likely in his case a snowball, you remember from //Clerks//? Having a girl spit the jizz back into your mouth post blow job…Rumor has it Big Mac is into that. (Now will D-mac be more offended by the skeet joke or impressed I called him Big Mac? I am not sure, he is in a weird phase…) Brain fart or Home Run thinking with the two 1baggers so early on, I am guessing the 1st half, but who am I? Aquemini…

Yeah Nathan is a steroid fueled horse, but he will get lonely in that bullpen, and mid season the Gooden’s may be better off ditching closers all together…but maybe stranger things can happen, like R. Soriano winning the job in A town. The three well rounded OF’s drafted in row solidify the bats, and added to his strength, the Outfield. Damon and Hunter should be fresh and clean for the year, and Mar-cock-ass could be a huge pickup late with his speed and maybe even some power in that B-More band box. His pitchers are not my cup of tea, especially with baby dream weavers lingering bicep injury, and for some reason I can’t trust John John Lackey, maybe that is a problem I should address with my therapist. If Beckett keeps his era under 17.50 this year McNally might eat for free, but like that re-occurring blister problem (Beckett’s not Don’s Hemorrhoids) I think D-Big-Mac reoccurs hungry and broke come dinner time.

Prediction- Bottom 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? Code Orange (Homeland Security) 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Alex Rios, outstanding pick for that spot in the draft. Brad Lidge…poorly chosen at that slot and it will have a detrimental, season-altering effect (until I trade him and a stick of gum to Winston for Soriano & Holliday). 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? Can I smoke in Jay’s house? 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Bringin Sexon Back 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? Butt Implants. 6. Anything to say to your competitors? No vetoing trades this year you socialist pigs. //Commish’s Crevice//- Oddballs at the top this year, I mean you didn’t know what they were going to do up there with the first 2 picks. Then they went and did the sensible thing…the same 2 picks as last year just reversed…PUSSIES!!!! Will the 2-hole produce a turd of a champion again? C’mon this is Wilson…he selected J. Bay, thinking it was a tropical inlet off the coast of Madagascar with fruity drinks and ample virgins. He has no idea half of his teams first names, but being a fanatic in any/everything competitive he will put up a good fight, and fanatically follow his team especially after the debacle from a few years ago when all that contraction talk started… But let’s not drudge up bad memories. His squad is decent. I guess…
 * __The Spearmint Rhinos:__**

Actually I take that back, he has a few question marks, even up top. Can A-rod make it through the year? (I think he will strive and do great) Can Lee return to form? (Not all the way no) Does Zimmerman have enough support to warrant that high of a pick? (Nah) Will lidge ever be the same? (No.) but we all have questions…and surprisingly I like the spongy mystery meat in Ebtek’s middle. Eww. Weeks Rios and Drew could all be huge, when Clemens comes back he WILL be huge…in the gut. A nice collection of fireballers with Young Snell and Cabrera. Lots of K’s with those monkeys (none are black right, I can’t pull the race jokes out too soon?!?) Wilson will meddle, make moves and scheme…all which will work against him in the end. Yup right in the 2-hole.

Prediction- Bottom 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? Solid, now if any of my players make it to opening day I’ll be psyched Rating 653 out of 1000. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Stoked about Chris Iannetta. #1 Because he got the job, #2 Cause he plays in Colorado, #3 Mauer has a bum fibula. Pays to have a backup catcher (not really). Changed? Wish my 3rd baseman was better than Crede. Not sure how I kept overlooking that position. 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? Jackass #2 is hilarious. 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? I think Zeddmore has an even squad with young pitching. Might have issues with saves, but Timlin should help that….I will trade him Taverez. 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? I go with bleaching because I have no idea what that is and everyone can always use more Butt. 6. Anything to say to your competitors? Competitors? Please.
 * __EphedraHeartStoppers-__**

//Commish’s Cancerous Growth//- Well Well Well how the mighty have fallen. Not yet, not really even, but I had no other intro. Moon dropped to the 3 spot and gets on TRL live with Jose Reyes, who as it stands now in the spring is the best player in the world. Moon nicely entangled his real baseball with fantasy land this year with the Reyes pick, and could be very very happy if Jose keeps the spring power stroke going…I am not sure he can, but a big part of me (My Johnson) hopes he does….Real baseball comes first. I just hope the rest of jenny moons husband’s team gets hit by a bus.

Thanks for playing host moon, your apartment has high ceilings and High tenants who think those Twin boys can replicate their late season success last year. I don’t see it, but granted I am in the minority on that one. Not in the minority on thinking there is no way Sheets can be healthy for a full year though that dude is made of popsicle sticks and Styrofoam peanuts like my 7th grade Technology class project. You know the ones that had to be dropped 8 feet or so onto concrete and be crafted to comfort an egg and have it not break…yeah those were sick, mine was a triangle contraption and actually worked, I had it in my bedroom until I was like 17…I didn’t get laid in high school.

The tricky two from Minny have some help with the sticks with Magglio’s Foam D!ck Hat, but I don’t see a bunch of power here…speed yes, and perhaps two 40+ saves guys, but I can’t see Moon being the first champ to repeat and dragging us all to the double deuce for eats and ass kicking. In all honesty I don’t see him eating for free either…close but no deviled eggs.

Prediction- Middle 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?
 * __Itallion Stallions-__**

1. improvised. i was thinking about going after pitching later. All in all though, I'm not upset. Every category is represented. 7 out of ten

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

2. At this point, I'm psyched about Harden. He has a 1.04 ERA and has struck out 18 dudes in 8 2/3 innings in spring training

3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ?

3. I'm fuckin sorry

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?

4. Nobody's

5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching?

5. anal bleaching

6. Anything to say to your competitors?

6. good luck

//Commish’s Failed Alarm Clock//- All right all right, after throwing the biggest scare into the league since _ _ offered to hook up with EVERYONE AT THE SAME TIME, ( I Kid I Kid…she wouldn’t hook up with Fatty, he tried) The Italian Stallions galloped to a faulty connection and an O-Ranking weirdness that shan’t be forgotten. Speaking from this Commishes //Heeeart// though, I am glad we waited, and it worked out. Only a few picks went the way of the O-Rank, and Rockem Sockem has our legit 12. Now enough of the niceties, NEVER AGAIN VIGLIUCCI!!! (just move back east we all miss you, and now Winston owes you) On to the preview: Every year I look at Vig’s team and I say…No chance. And he hasn’t won or eaten for free yet, so maybe I am on to something. But he came dam close to beating me last year, so what the hell? This year is no different however, I just don’t get the whole Italian thing…I don’t mean the WHOLE Italian thing, their woman, especially in the 70’s had a really sexy style (except for the pit hair), that I dig to this day…example:

But when it comes to Fantasy Baseball, I am not so sure about the skill of these wop bastards. As always, TONS of speed in effect, can’t over state that with Ichiro, Furcal, Byrnes. Not so much in the power department with the most home runs last year hit by this squad coming from Bill Hall…Really!?!? He had 35!?? I had no idea. Maybe there is something to this pasta faazol (or however you spell it). Having Johan and solid #2 could virtually lock up some pitching categories, but Dick Harden is faaaar from a sure thing and the rest of the staff is old as dirt. One year Vig will prove me wrong…Don’t think this is the year. Actually pretty certain of it.

Prediction- I am O-Ranking him in the Bottom 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? Decent. Got some real question marks, but so does Rockem Sockem. I think I can eat for free if my young pitchers work out and I am creative on the wire. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Glad sizmore fell to me in the second. Not sure what happened with my CI & Util spots. 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? Hot 22's. What a disapointment. Oh yeah, and I tried to get Jay Vig kicked out, but mostly Hot 22's. 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? They are all suprisingly pretty sh!tty. Think this might be my year. The teams I like are the usual suspects (ie not wilson's). 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? Butt implants, fully support the bleaching. 6. Anything to say to your competitors? no, work is draining my soul and it's all i could do to try and answer the first 5 questions. tom's answers will probably be funnier than mine, but he's an a55hole.
 * Zeddemore’s Poles-**

//Commish’s Knish’s//- Was it Charlette’s Armenian Voodoo that was at play here? I mean Winston says to anyone who will listen he doesn’t want Howard or Johan, then by some “Hand of God” we have a first ever in the hallow halls of Rockem Sockem, “O-Rank” pick, bringing the term into our lexicon (what a debacle) with Soriano slipping to the Pole. Some would say “serendipitous”, some would say “cursed”. Which side of the fence you on? Who cares I am writing this…you are reading, so shove it up your o-rank and listen up. Unfortunately I am on the Serendipitous side, I think he will be like a pig in shit this year, with Soriano’s 40-40, and backing that up with Sizemore’s 30-30 The Z-Po-Po’s will be quite impressive. The S-S outfield form the core of Winston’s bat happy (And Nazi) philosophy, but he went a bit different this year, going after some well rounded guys instead of big swingers, and he filled up the middle infield better then anyone else.

Which leaves his pitching. And here comes the test…Can someone win rockem sockem without a legitimate closer? Wait for my answer, but lets hit the starters first…Bicep boy waited and waited and then got all the young arms he could grab, and in the process developed a sweet rotation of Hamels, Cain and Bonderman. If the first 2 come through to expectations (I think Bonderman is legit) then these three could comprise the best young staff in rockem sockem. Which leads to the bullpen…With only 3 true starters, can he mix and match with the scrubs he sucked up late and scrounge out saves without destroying his ERA? Answer…Grudgingly I think he can.

Prediction- Top 1/3


 * Bill Hall and Oates:**

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Much stronger than Shawn Donahue at 2pm on St. Patrick's Day

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Mark Teahan (only 3rd worth taking and got him before the only other team refusing to draft 3B) Nolasco (apparently Winston and I were the only ones who thought this guy was a closer)

3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? I hate Jersey.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Spearmint Rhinos (3 fucking catchers!!!!) The definition of impressive!

5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? butt implants....who wants to lick a dirty asshole?

6. Anything to say to your competitors?

Who wants to lick a dirty asshole?

//Commish’s Codpiece//- Banging up the butt hole Bull brought the 6th pick to the Jersey City table and flashed a piece of meat with the huge Black Snake Moaning of Ryan Howard. That guy is a tank. Will he sophomore slump though? At the six pick there isn’t too much risk, and even if there was Bull backed it up proper with Big Tex second, going away from his pitcher happy strategy of years past. Is a trade in the works with LA Story Vig? Perhaps…but I gotta preview what I got here. First a Little confession…through round 7 I thought Bull had the best team out there…and I was picking him to win…but really the teams are all decent through 7 rounds and it is in the late rounds where you win and I think the ballerina slipped…or got drunk.

Big bats have been mentioned and power continues with Piazza and Swisher (who went a few rounds early in my book). The speed will be asked for from Hanley Roberts and Young, and they should deliver decently. But the bullpen and staff, usually a strong point for Rochester’s geyest is looking ill and limping this year…No staff for you! Prior!?? Can Kazmir stay healthy? Prior?!?! Wainwright become a starter? Hinske!?!? Valverde keep the ERA in this stratosphere? Prior!?!? I think the arms are doomed to fail and keep the Scarlett Pimpernel from the boat and golden cup this season, as well as shy of the free eats.

Prediction- Middle 1/3


 * Dogzilla-**
 * 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Ripe! I’m eating free this year.
 * 1) One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

I’m stoked about Pedro, he was always already taken by the 24 th round…
 * 1) Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ?

Next year we should all fly to CA so the draft starts on time.
 * 1) Whose team are you most impressed with?

Birds, he’s a lock for first place.
 * 1) Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching?

Bleaching, no doubt.
 * 1) Anything to say to your competitors?

Good luck.

//Commish’s Cornholio//- A funny thing happened when I started checking out the squads for this years preview, I thought I put in a wrong team...or at least messed up a name. Fatty looks prepped and loaded for the league of the beast and is poised to make a serious run at the boat. Will he make it, or fack it up likes usual? While he ski’s the slopes of Switzerland, let’s check his team out and see if Dogzilla is simply a mirage of the commish staring at the computer screen too long or even better then the real thing. Big Papi seems primed for another big year, before I think his descent into fatty normality begins, but 50+ is sure as hell in the realm again. Was Carlos Lee just playing for a contract? Maybe, but in Houston he can piss over the wall in left from the batters box, so 40+ is no stretch. Aramis in a sick lineup, same with jermaine…and if he can repeat 06 the power will be abundant in Dogzillaville. Speed as well if Felipe, Chone, CP, and Matthews runs to his HGH dealer (Doubt Lee gets 20 again).

Moving to the arms, Verlander Myers and some Combo of Burnett Lowry Contreras and Arroyo is legit and it is no exaggeration to say 2 of those will be good. Two established if not spectacular closers hold down the pen, and Jiminy Christmas Fatty is 4-real! I could make some jokes or tell some stories here…but at the moment I am too stunned. Hopefully Fatty will find a way to blow it though…but if I am going simply on this squad…

Prediction- Top 1/3

> **Fairly consistent with what I was hoping to do – Chase Utley – Bat – Bat – THEN GO PTICHEE BALISTIC!!!! Actually, though, that was a pseudo-plan. With so many fragile / temporary / Ambroix Burgosian-like closers out there, I really was hoping to get a couple that I wouldn’t have to stress about. I think my draft strategy for any given year is always a direct result of whatever pissed me off most the previous year. > And on my own scale, I’d have to say I’m about 185 lbs.**
 * Ocean’s Blyleven-**
 * 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?


 * I was happy to get Manny. Perennial first-rounder. Nice Pop. Nice Average – (the only guy I would pick the entire draft who has that!) And one that should have changed... hmmm.... well, not sure if I’ll have the patience to wait around for Phil Hughes, but I guess we’ll see.

...it was Meintkeiwicz, c’mon.**

3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10th?


 * “All you have to do is slow it down to like a new beer on every OTHER trip to the kitchen for snacks and you will still be sober enough to draft this thing when it starts.”**

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?


 * Really pretty even across the board. I think it’s going to be a wild one. Sitting there and hypnotically staring up to the excel chart that I imagine is now emblazoned onto Moon’s wall, I liked that Dogzilla squad a lot. I thought Jay Vig’s team was pretty interesting as well, particularly after all that hot O-Rank action!**

5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching?


 * Butt implants are stranger. That’s my comment.**

6. Anything to say to your competitors?


 * Competitors? My competitors? Nay. I say to my Rockem’ Brethren’, here’s to one more season in the sun. Laced with alcohol, traced with baseball, let the mania begin again!

...oh, and I’m going to win... MIENTKIWICZ RULES!!!!**

//Commish’s Constantly Inebriated Ramblings//- Phillies and Red Sox’s and Phillies OH MY! Mike went hatred over heart early, and may have over compensated with too much heart later. (Mein-a-shevitz!?!?) Drafting for need early and building from the middle Mike latched on to Utley, who is head and shoulders above other 2 ball baggers, the way Mike is head and shoulders above all other Black Bear Sleepers. Hopefully for Oceans, Manny stays into it all year. A huge plus for DuckyWucky in years past has always been his staff (teehee) and he went arm happy again. Easily the best guns in the league of the beast and the one solid bullpen here, perhaps MixMaster trades some arms down the road, but as of now the pen is stacked, too much to really go into, except say nicely done, and give you the Gandalf Award for Best Staff (I am currently being given an atomic wedgie by the library bully.)

Bats look to rest on the broad creamy white shoulders of one Mr. Jimmy Bob Thome though, straight from Appalachia West University for Agriculture and Mining. Good Ole AWUAM is proud of JBT (formally Tom’s Homie) but which one will show up? The Thome who can mash HR’s the way Mike mashes tequila shots? Or the one who is gimpy the way Ryniec was post Dino Jr last year and all through the RS Dinner? He could be decent but the Oceans need a big year out of Thome, and some nice swinging from the likes of Mike Cameron…and….uhh…Dan Johnson I guess…I just think this team is weighted way too heavily in the Pen. Good for Hog Raisin, bad for Fantasy Land//…(Commish’s internal monologue: Maybe the lack of Jager Bombs hurt his picks…)//

Prediction- Middle 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? 1. I'll give myself a .334 batting average. Should be a steady team and may just lead the league. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? 2. Stoked about Rocco Baldelli. Not only because he is a guy I root for in actual baseball, and his comeback year could turn out to be a fantasy steal, but it avails me the platoon of //Rocco and Coco// in center field. Would have changed my Round 14 - Michael Barrett pick. I should have gone with a better bat, pseudo-closer, or starter there and still would have gotten Barrett or equal in the next two rounds. 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? 3. Cabrera, Ortiz, or Vlad? Cabrera, Ortiz, or Vlad? Cabrera, Ortiz, or Vlad? Cabrera, Ortiz, or Vlad? Cabrera, Ortiz, or Vlad? 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? 4. Every team has holes, and it will be another tight year. I'll take Blyleven if everyone stays healthy and does what they should. 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? 5. Anal bleaching. While less of a procedure, it is flat out odd to even come up with the concept. 6. Anything to say to your competitors? 6. May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand. So that you will feel some comfort when the cup returns to C-Town.
 * C-Town Highpockets-**

//Commish’s Conundrum//- The ying to my drafting yang in years past, this year…aaah not so much. Bk seems to zone in like a hawk on the same philosophy I usually have, call it past champion greatness or women’s intuition, but this year things were a bit different. Can’t argue with the picks, there is a safeness to them, that I guess I flaunted this time…but enough about me back to C-Town. Mig Cab is rock solid and may get better, will Berkman be as good? I am not sure but Carlos Lee will help him out. Along with those bats are consistent past producers like Sheffield Alou and Rolen who could be injury risks or high rewards. Speed seems to be on the Teachers mind with Taveras Freel and Coco Crisp.

The Arms seem to be stacked up nicely with Zambrano Smoltz Johnson and Haren up front with Codero and K-Rod in the back….A solid squad. Solid, Solid Solid…I feel like I wrote that 5 times before this sentence about the C-Boys this year. I see a lot of success, but if Sheffield or Rolen succumb to the injury bug, this team could miss out. I hate to facking say it, but if Sheffield plays possessed he could take BK to the promise land…and as long he is not in the position to make errors on purpose and force a trade, I begrudgingly think he will. If the blessing of winning when getting married stays true, maybe BK takes the cup to a reception…congrats on the engagement BK, she will make a great mother to your child some day…(you think you get out of here with out getting your balls busted!?!? Not so Amigo!!!)

Prediction- Top 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? 7 out of 10 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Roy Halladay, John Maine 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? Pissed. 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? My own of course… 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? Anal bleaching 6. Anything to say to your competitors?
 * Torre A New One-**

//Commish’s Colonoscopy//- Skiing in the Swiss alps…must be nice. Birdie and Fatty made the draft on the 10th so their Burton asses could check out the old worlds Aryan filled slopes. Hope they enjoyed. Fatty comes back to the states to a surprisingly stout squad, Birdie comes back to 8 starting pitchers and a Juiced up Giambi. Some years I put the Whammy on Birdie picking him to do well. Not this year. Beltran should be solid, but he and Berkman must have had the quietest great seasons ever witnessed last year, and the commish is still not sold Beltran can hit 41 homers again. Seriously he must have hit 31 of them on the road. Jeter also had a career stat year, but will put up runs in bunches in that lineup. On the power train Torre’s are OK with Big Dumb Dunner, VW and Giambino who will try to be a DH slugger.

Not much in the way of Sb’s here, and average could take a hit if Jeter doesn’t hit .399 again. On to the Pen, with the 14 starters. Halladay is a horse, and we have been saying for 5 years Sabathia could be one as well, but I think he likes cheeseburgers too much. Papelboner is a great unknown, could enhance the backend, or the front, or could juggle back and fourth like my balls. Hopefully Maine turns into the ace of the New One’s. With Fuentes and Torres as his Amigos and closers they are decent but not dominating…We shall see, either way I think the Ferrari will be ponyin’ up for some dinner come eats time.

Prediction: Bottom 1/3

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? In comparison to everyone else's, I feel like I did pretty well. I didn't take a catcher in the second round, after all. In the grand scheme of fantasy baseball drafts, I think I could have done better but my team is pretty decent. If the scale were based on baseball playing steroid takers with Barry Bonds being the highest and Trinidad Hubbard being the lowest, then I think my draft falls somewhere between Ken Caminiti and Gary Matthews Jr. 2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? Stoked? Do I get stoked? I think that Bobby Abreu in the 4th is going to be huge. I think if Tim Hudson comes close to remembering how to pitch, then getting him in the 18th round is an enormous steal. Change? Do I change? Colon could end up being a big pain in the ass (see what I did there? Colon...ass?), but could be worth the risk. If he's not the same force he used to be, but still gets some wins,then I'll be happy with a Semi-Colon. On to the next quest......I have Kevin Youkilis?!?! Really?! Was I outside and you guys made a "default to the highest O-ranked Jew" pick for me? 3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ? I thought we were about to trim down to an 11 team league. That wasn't my preference, but it was getting Lord of the Flies-esque in there. If we voted to draft without Vig, then I would have suggested kicking Eben out too to make it 10 teams. Who we kidding? It's only a matter of time anyway. Three catchers?!? 4. Whose team are you most impressed with? Other than mine? No one's. You all suck ass. I think BK can do some damage and I don't think Fatone will be a basement dweller this year. 5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching? Butt implants followed closely by kitty hip replacement surgery: [|http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2007/03/21/2007-03-21_the_hippest_cat_in_nyc-1.html] 6. Anything to say to your competitors? Good luck gentlemen. Bull, I hope your hitters know how to pitch. Mike, I hope your pitchers know how to hit. Don, drafting one closer is as dumb as drafting none. But not as dumb as drafting three catchers. //Commish’s Corned Beef and Cabbage//- Drafting next to a distracted Gallagher…should have been a walk in the park. More worried about an employee quitting and a leaky ceiling, his cat dying, wife leaving, kid’s lupus, and ingrown third toenail…but NO!!! Chris Facking Ray! Sorry, onto Tom’s team. Bunch of nice guys you can bring home to momma, but will they get him the trophy. At first look I think they will bring him pretty dam close.
 * Big Papi Longstocking-**

Things look juicy for the frail one until the Harang onomatopoeia was shouted out loud. An iffy selection, but one who Haranged up the K’s last year…Get it!?! See what I did there!?! Kill me all ready. Abreu’s stomach problems should be fine; Tom’s clubhouse always has a lot of Imodium on hand. As the draft wore on the picks got a little dicey as Galbowski got a little saucy. He has power coming from Vlad, Wright and Konerko…and that might not be enough. Sb’s from Abreu Wright Castillo….hmm. A starting rotation of Oswalt Harang Willis and Colon….2 question marks in there from this view but I am looking at it through the bosom of a mug on McSorleys sawdusted floor so things are fuzzy. With Closers Ray Gordon and Dotel…Hmm. I just talked my self out of giving tom the preseason title…Guess he will have to rely on his crafty crusty cranky coaching style…Gallagher, The Leyland of Rockem Sockem. Can’t believe I just came up with that…Saved the preview.

Prediction- Top 1/3


 * NOLA Crawdaddies-__**

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Well the Snaaaake is my home, and I love drafting there, but i hated drafting next to Gallagher, and wish his whole apartment flooded, but sometimes you can only pray to Satan so much... on the whole I got guys I targeted.

Basically if the draft was a Diatonic A Major Scale The 2007 Crawdaddies would be a G#

2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Hafner obviously got the nipples hard, think he can be as productive in the power dept as Howard or Pujols this year. Seriously. Cantu late may be a steal, and the Big Hurt in Round 14 I //know// was a steal.

Changes? hate my bullpen, Don't like the Cordero pick and think Gagne is a huge risk...should have played at least one of those 2 safer with the other Cordero or Goose Gossage.

3. Honestly, what were you thinking around 1:55pm on Saturday March 10 th ?

1:54 pm We should be in a boardroom in AC wired on Jager Bombs. 1:56 pm I can't believe we are going to have to cut this league down to 11 teams....

We love you vig and want you in the league but you scared this commish down to his mick bones.

4. Whose team are you most impressed with?

Read my previews bitches.

(Hint, Somebody knows...)

5. Stranger cosmetic surgery, butt implants or anal bleaching?

Seriously, what the hell is up with Butt Implants, I can't understand it?!!? Fat asses are everywhere, I understand you may want to fill some jeans, but work out your flat ass, don't put a gel implant in a butt check, that must feel so weird ever time that b!tch sits down to shit.

To quote a wise horse, "No Sir. I don't like it."

The Bleaching is fine for work purposes, I am cool with that.

6. Anything to say to your competitors?

Thanks.

Honestly this is my favorite thing in the world, love that all my friends are apart of it and I think this will keep us together forever like RunDmc and the Beasties.

Now prepare to Suck Craw Head Homies!

Gallaghers Guest Preview: This year I have been lucky enough to be chosen to preview Squad Commish. I hope I can live up the standard set by Eben, but this preview won't be peppered with U2 references....what was that all about? Does anyone even remember that? Probably not. By the way, Larry Mullen Jr. is the only backstop Eben didn't draft.

But alas, I'm here to talk about Rockem' Sockem''s Chiklis.

With all this talk of the Beasties and Run DMC, Shawn has clearly been feeling nostalgic lately....a lot of his team hasn't been good since either of them were relevant. Much like Run DMC, there's a decent chance one his squad will be dead by year's end (RIP Daryl Kile).

Hafner is a monster and is a legit top half of the draft player that fell to 12. Godzirra is more than solid and will put up big numbers while the Yankees are still a waning powerhouse. Carl Crawford is going to flash some 20+ power one of these years and I think this could be the year. Shawn has the added bonus of the Crawford/Crawdaddy wordplay.

LoDuca behind the plate isn't too shabby, but can he be productive for the whole year like last? Probably not. Hitting in the that lineup definitely helps, but if he drops down to the six hole the runs scored will drop a bunch and this singles hitter won't see his ribbies rise enough to make up the difference.

Kent, Helton, Thomas, Gagne. These guys will have the cup gift wrappped for Team Nola...if it were 1999. Helton will be a better than average CI, but is not the fantasy anchor he used to be. His numbers continue to slide even in Coors Field. Is he getting old, or was there perhaps some truth to those steroid rumors? Kent is definitely a juice-head on the decline. Big Hurt had an impressive comeback year last year, but can he stay healthy two years in a row? Playing on the turf in Toronto makes it less likely than McNally having three closers (in one year, not total since he's been in the league). With him and Hafner, the Util spots are on lock down and gives Shawn less flexibilty. And with that crippled back, that's the last thing SPD needs.

Gagne is worth a gamble if you have other closers to fall back on, but this pen is thinner than Shawn's blood on St. Patrick's Day.

Starting pitching has its questions too. Webb is the real deal and I think Zito will be fine in SanFran, but he will be a better real pitcher than fantasy pitcher. Lowe could be huge in LA but he's another injury risk. And what of Dice K? Is he legit? I don't know enough about him to judge but it's good bet he'll be pretty good, but he can't possibly live up to the hype. If he becomes a Chan Ho Nomo, then he'll be worth having. Vasquez is Shawn's boy, but despite the boatload of Ks, I'm not a big believer.

The rest ofthe squad can pay off dividends or fall flat. No surprise in this year's even draft. Victorino is an exciting player and I hate that sumbitch future Met killer. He's going to score a ton of runs in that lineup and in that park but they won't let him run behind J Ro and in front of Utley. Willingham has bigtime power upside, but is this the year? Cantu? Shawn thinks he can, and I'm inclined to think he Cantu.

Shawn's very confident in his squad, but I think it's like a parent loving their ugly child. Will Frank Thomas have a "Sort of Homecoming" or burn in the "Unforgettable Fire"? Is Crawford enough speed or will he be "Running To Stand Still"? Gagne and FranCor will most likely have Shawn saying "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". A lot of risk here. Being a multiple free eater, it would be foolhardy to count Shawn out...he knows how to manage a fantasy squad. But I predict he misses the literal and figurative boat and just misses skipping out on the bill.

Prediction: Top third, but specifically 4th place.

PREDICTIONS: A New Champ yet again….If he doesn’t mess it up. And the league is so fricking close, ties like shit, happen:

12. Itallion Stallions 11. Torre A New One 9. The Spearmint Rhinos Tie 7. Oceans Blyleven Tie 7.Bill Hall and Oates Tie 5. Ephedraheartstoppers Tie 5. Nola Crawdaddies 4. Big Papi Longstocking 3. Zeddemore’s Poles 2. C-Town HighPockets 1. DOGZILLA!
 * 1) Dwight Gooden Plenty

Couple of things…let’s rock opening day, let’s find a mid season party this year…enough of these weddings throwing us off, and let’s plan for the year end party to be later, late Nov. Early Dec worked wonders in shorting the off season…

ROCKEM SOCKEM VI IS UPON US!!!!!!

WELCOME TO THE LEAGUE OF THE BEAST BOYS!!!! media type="youtube" key="icAzyx8EsKU"