2011+AllStarBreak

ALL STAR BREAK:

Mid Season Review: Well it is upon us, we are sadly half way done with Rockem Sockem X, the X'iest Rockem yet... The mid season is a time for review and to take a deep breath and smell just where you sit at the Rockem table. If you are at the top of the heap the air smells clean and fresh, whiffs of free eats can magically seep in. If you are lodged in the middle it is usually anxious breaths that you ingest hoping to rise, praying not to fall. If you reside at the bottom...well, no two ways about it...things smell like shit.

As in past years I will use one of your players to sum up your season so far...so here we go...in draft order!

Would be a bit too easy to go with Birdie's namesake, but his season has been all over the map, like Prado's. Currently sitting in 8th place Ferrari has flirted with the top of the league and slummed it up down in the mire. Prado has produced nicely when he has played (those 8 dongs look tasty...eww I mean gross) but it looks like Chipper sneezed on him and passed along the injury bug to the former All-Star utl man (we all blocked that out from last year right?).
 * Spic 'N Span 8th Place** - Martin Prado 2b/3b/OF Atlanta Braves

Birdie's season can still be salvaged, so can Prado's body, but I could also see both also limping to the finish...

Currently running away with the league BK has Rockem Sockem X on lock down. No chance he can lose this. NONE! The man is certainly having the best season in the history of the league, dominating all categories. I mean this team is simply unbeatable, everything from his pitching to his hitting has been lights out and there is no chance for a slump...Just like Curtis Granderson. 79 Runs scored in the first half? Unreal! 25 Moonshots and 15 Sb's, Holy Slam and Legs Batman!
 * C-Town Highpockets 1st Place** - Curtis Granderson OF NY Yankees

There is no way that BK or Curtis can ever come back to earth. A 26 point lead for the Highpockets and a 6th place overall ranking for Granderson! these two are a match made in heaven and will certainly win the league by 25+ points. No chance of a choke here!!!

Almost went with the Carpenter here, but while Chris is a disappointment (currently ranked 419th in the game) his 2 CG's may come in incredibly handy down the stretch. Uggla on the other hand has been god awful...and unfortunately so have the Blylevens. With their captain Longoria being out for a while to start things they were instantly behind the 8 ball and could have used Uggla to provide the power as he always has. Well if it wasn't for a current hot streak Uggla might have been the worst everyday player in baseball, even with that hot streak he is only hitting .185 with a .622 OPS. Yuck.
 * Oceans Blyleven 12th Place** - Dan Uggla 2b Atlanta Braves

Then again his HR's are up to 15 and Mike has been creeping his way out of the cellar and is in striking distance of 10th place...he hopes the second half is the opposite of the first. I mean look at the guy he is associated with... Peace Out Retard.

A-Rod In His Pants 5th Place - Scott Baker P Twins This year has been insanely close (except at the top and bottom..well until recently) and Bull may be the team that represents this best. Flirting with cesspool in early June he has made a remarkable run as of late as has Scott Baker. The 15th overall player for the last 30 days Baker has been lights out after a craptastic start to 2011. Bull has been riding that same white horse as Baker, and it ain't heroin..it's this guy and I think we all know this fits Bull best: HA!!!! I can't top that pic

In a year of uber fluctuation it seems that El Jeffe has been pretty well lodged smack dab in the middle. He hasn't hung out in the free eat realm and has managed to avoid the shit show...Shaun Marcum came into this year with a Yahoo O-rank of 108 and currently sits at 109 at the Break. Sure, there were some high hopes for Marcum as I am sure Winston had, but things don't always work out the way we hope for...on that note, I can't stop staring at this stupid picture I posted for Bull, so Jeff gets the benefit of an AWB in his Mid Season Review...little blessings...well in Anri Sugihara's case Big Ole'Blessings... And a video to fully wash out that unicorn... media type="custom" key="9973271" You are all welcome.
 * Zeddemore's Poles 7th Place** - Shaun Marcum P Milwaukee Brewers

Second year in a row Don gets a Snake man to represent him at the Mid Season Review, but this time it is on the positive front. Last year Mark Reynolds was a let down...this year Ian Kennedy is a fantastic surprise and a solid piece of his pitching puzzle that has him currently eating for free, clinging to 3rd place. Kennedy showed flashes of excellence in the past (as has Don) and we all thought he could be good (and we thought the same of Fatty...or at least I did) but we weren't sure if this would be the year (had him picked for 6th Place this go around). Both have surprised with Fatty fighting at the top of the table and Kennedy making into the Fan Vote for the All-star game with 9 wins 1 CG and a tidy 1.15 WHIP.
 * Dogzilla 3rd Place** - Ian Kennedy P Arizona Diamondbacks

Here's hoping they watch the all-star game together and get juiced up for the second half. Don the world traveler is at the All-Star game this week right?

I**talian Stallions 2nd Place** - Lance Berkman OF St. Louis Cardnials Color me completely surprised, Vigs team has played amazing (fake) baseball all year and one of the main men to propel him into 2nd place is Lance Berkman who has found his stroke again while playing in St. Louis at the age of 54. A line of 54 24 63 0 .290 1.006 is pretty facking good and whoever owned Berkman last year would have been happy with those numbers over the course of the whole year, let alone the all-star break. Vig has been hitting his last gasp wiki all season long and seems to be in serious contention for free eats at least this year and an outside shot at EET's A BOAT! huh...who knew?!? All he had to do was move back to NYC, get a good job, a girl and then his team would play well...life in order, team in order...(Insert joke about hoping it all falls apart here for making look silly in the preview!)

Back to the idea of the ebbing and flowing league this year, Tom has spent time up near the top and now has seen his team slip back into 6th place at the break. Mike Stanton (who kinda looks like Ramon's cousin in that picture) has been pretty solid this year overall currently holding down the 86th ranking, but lately he has slid pretty far (252 over the last 30 days) just like Tom's squad. We all know the categories are closer then conjoined twins, but there has to be a little worry coming from the newly wed and the massive south Florida slugger. Both have the talent to dominate, but will they? I picked Tom to win it...looks pretty stupid now...
 * The Pine Taaaars 6th place** - Mike Stanton OF Florida Marlins

Speaking of looking pretty god dam stupid...here's what I wrote in the preview: //I had a blast at the draft, did you guys have fun? I mean we will be talking about this one until we can’t talk anymore…there will be jokes about Hot Tubs (both people and structures) Limo rides, burger joints, fountain pictures, insanity…and then there will be Jay Bruce in the third round.// Bruce's Line at the Break: 52 21 57 6 .268 .852 Hinske hasn't done that over his career.... I. Am. An. Idiot. Don has (like most of us) bounced around a shit load this year, but you can't argue with his results at the Break, .5 out of 3rd place and free eats. Not bad for a team that I thought had no shot of winning this year...
 * R.A. Dickey Thon 4th Place** - Jay Bruce OF Cincinnati Reds

Sure Neezer has had his share of injuries (who hasn't) but the real issue is that his team just hasn't been very good this year, and now with the injury to A-Rod he is going to need players to turn it around quickly. His bats haven't really been his problem all though a healthy Bay (HA!) and producing Jeter (less and Less likely that 3000 is gone) would be helpful, his arms have failed him...and the NaziScherzer has been the biggest disappointment. Mad "Two Eye Toned" Max made this page last year for Winston, but that was in the good way...not so this year for Wilson. He is going to need Mr. Max to find his K ways if he wants to pull himself out of the bottom.
 * The Wounded Rhinos 11th Place** - Max Scherzer P Detroit Tigers

Continuing the Shawn is Stupid thread into my 3rd review, I had this team clocked in for third place in the preseason...Whopsie Daisey!!! media type="youtube" key="0IXwmlkriqc" height="390" width="600"

Promises of a good year have pretty much faded away for both Jay Moon and Carl Crawford. Sure things can be salvaged, Jay is an ex champ and Crawford is an ex top 10 player on the best team in baseball, but both have to dig out of serious holes. Moon is in 9th (where I pegged him in the preview actually, thus ending the stupid commish bit) and Crawford is having his worst season in the bigs and is currently on the DL. Moon was nice enough to invite us all over to his house on the 30th of July, but now I ask you what has Carl Crawford ever done for the league...NOTHING and he is shitting on Moon's team proper at the present time...so the rest of us LOVE him.
 * Ephedraheartstoppers 9th Place** - Carl Crawford OF Boston Red Sox

Sure I've had DL stints to all of my top players (minus Cole) but my team even with those caveats has been under producing and Greinke can be the face of it. After starting off the year on the DL with a ribcage injury, he just hasn't looked himself out there on the mound. He is currently rated 280th over all and he is just waaay to talented to be that shitty. While the K's have been up his pitch selection and short outings have been frustrating. I watched one inning when all he threw were sliders, the camera cut to Ron Roenicke in the dugout and you could see him mouth "Throw a fucking fastball" it was hysterical and then made you realize this kid is a complete headcase on the mound. Kinda sums up my whole squad actually.
 * NOLA Crawdaddies 10th Place** - Zack Greinke P Milwaukee Brewers

Well boys we are half way through...see you all on the other side...