2009+AllStarBreak

So we got together this year and Don Fatone and his DOGZILLA was winning at the All-Star Break, so he didn't buy any of these stupid shots you are seeing in these upcoming pics....but it was a blast, I think we started at the Barrow St Ale House and then a few of us (OK Me and Birdie) went to Black Bear...Yikes... The Party happened on a Thursday (lame) and a few weeks post all-star break, but hey we are getting old at least a few of us came out and threw down like champs. We also have the Golf outing under our belts (and above our guts) so at least we are increasing the hanging, not decreasing...enough babble...

Midseason Party The Pics here you go Right C'here:



Pointing you to the midseason review bitches...

Mid Season Review-

Here you go you respectable, fine upstanding gentlemen…your midseason review. Like last year I will pick a player from your team who has most personified your squad. I don’t care if you picked him up yesterday, if he fits, I am going with it.

In Draft order:

Dogzilla-Raul Ibanez OF, Philly-

And looky here it goes in standing order as well, will Don hold on? His lead looked to be slipping a touch but has steadied recently (I mistyped and the word erection popped up there…hmm what does that mean?!). As for Raul, well he has always been a decent player in no man’s land…kinda like fatty, who this year has busted out raw like sushi to simply dominate the game (Fatone 1st place Ibanez #2 ranked player for most of the season). If Fatty takes it to the house (an odds are Raul is taking it to the Series) then we will have some serious domination on our hands…the like’s we haven’t seen since, (Check’s Record Books) BIRDIE!??! Wow.

Captain Solo Stallions- Torii Hunter OF LAA-

Cause they are both on the DL apparently and somehow are still putting up respectable numbers….Not quite sure how.

He Gone Spangler- Joey Votto 1B Cin-

The Winstonian has been all over the map in the first half, but like always he will be coaching his arse off to get into the free eats or maybe even a championship in the next 8-10 weeks. Votto needs to put together a solid (and Healthy) second half and he can find himself winning the Batting Title and spoiling the triple crown for Poooholes. Now HeGoneSpang's connection to his players is always strong after winning the Coach of the Year Award last season, but no connection may be stronger then with the Canadian Clubber, Mr. Ro-Votto. It is not just that the Etobicoke native always DVR’s Jim Cramer like Winston: It is the fact that Votto had a case of mysterious Vertigo/Identity Crisis/Freak-out-MAN! Syndrome and Winston could go postal on the league at any waking moment. Votto also wins this a bit by default, with the rest of Winstons team being fairly young and unproven talents, while Verne Troyer is always at the top of the league the majority of his squad this year hasn’t been. Nolasco was a candidate as I am sure he will turn it on for the second half…but will Jeff? He has the tools, but will the coach make his famous late season bull rush or wilt in the heat? Votto will bring the Canadian Cool (And Canadian Club) to try to make sure that don't go down.

Youk Shall Not Pass- Jose Reyes SS NYM-

A once proud champion, who has been decimated by injuries, granted Reyes is not a past champion (FUCK YOU MOLINA!) but he is a top 3 draft pick, and Bull is constantly fighting for the top 3 in Rockem and this is just not their years. Could they both get healthy and make a run? Sure but it is almost August and this would have to be an epic comeback on the level of (Insert some stupid Tony Award Joke that will take me an hour to research and only Bull will get here). Until then you get this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6d0aC6HmxAA

Honey Nut Ichiro’s- Alfonso Soriano OF Cubs-

What is this with past champs sucking it up? Oh yeah we’ve been doing this forever and it seems like in a few years everyone will be a past champion, but I digress let’s chat about Soriano. I was watched the Cubs play the Nationals the other night (don’t ask why) and besides how remarkably putrid Dibble is on the color commentary I noticed this gem, the other Nationals announcer called out Soriano saying basically “There were a lot of things I didn’t like about Soriano when he played here, he just didn’t seem to care about the team or the game, the minute he got to 40/40 he instantly shut it down.” When the NATS announcers are ripping on you something is straight up wrong. At times Birdie has flashed potential this year just like Soriano, but in the end they both look to be old and out of it this season, like their mind is someplace else….

The Spearmint Rhinos- Todd Helton 1b Rockies-

This was a tough one…I originally thought Wilsons team was too old and done for but he has had huge years from his Hot and Crusty Three in Jeter, Helton and Chipper. I could have picked any of the 3 to represent the Sad Tomato, but I hate Larry, Jeter has herpes and I think Eben may have been one of the first kids to ever own a Rockies hat in Upstate New York. While his friends were dreaming of moving to the big city (Buffalo) young Monty Burns had his eyes focused on the Colorado Mountains…and those Mountains have served him well. Let’s have a little musical interlude ehhh? [] You make it back? OK I will wait a bit more. Ahh there you are. Good stuff. Anyway, both Helton and Wilson were written off by yours truly and both have been producing mightily…Helton with RBI’s Eben with Fantasy points and Clown pants. Both deserve mention and I am sure both are honored to be forever linked.

C-Town Highpockets- Jake Peavy P SD-

Lets be honest here, the Highpockets just couldn’t get it in gear. I had picked them to be contending for the title, as I am sure that Peavy would have contended for the NL CY Young, but alas neither is too be. From the get go BK languished in last, and Peavy was not welcome in SD. Peavy was offered a trade to the Southside, I am sure BK was offered many, even made a few with closers, but neither got the substantial oral release they had been looking for. Bk’s been fighting for respectability at bottom recently; I think Peavy has his foot in a boot (a piss boot). Both could conceivably make some noise before it is said AND done…but it is all ready said.

Pine Taaaaars- Miguel Tejada SS Hou-

OK so everyone knows Tom use to do cycles of juice, so this comparison is obvious to even Ray Charles (get it? cause he’s blind and dead!) but let me tell you something you may not know. See Tom has been up and down and mostly in the middle this season but is currently still comfortably within striking distance for some free eats. Tejada loves free eats, he is also batting over .320 which is eye popping since last year he struggled to hit .286 and his Astros are still in the hunt in the central. However both Tom and Miggey have some work too do. 8 homeruns in Minute Maid Park? Maybe the power really is gone. Tom also needs to do some real leg work to catch up with the leaders, but nothing is impossible. (See and you all thought I was going to make some “They both take shots in the ass!” joke, I’m above that tawdry crap).

Father Smells Ellsbery- Jayson Werth OF Phil-

Because I have been told I resemble him. Oh and because I thought he would get me 20/20 and he is on pace to break that, and I thought I would be smack dab in the middle or 7th place and I am currently doing better then that. You got a better fit? Good, keep it to your dam self.

My Teams Like the Wind- Wandy Rodrieguez,, P Hou-

For some reason Wandy and Don’s team just seem to work well together, there was a time when a plucky young McNally would go out of his way to pick a team Captain and flaunt it all over the league, going as far to even carve a C into their chest. Not so these days, but if he still did those barbaric acts, I nominate Wandy. Some Pundits loved his team (Not me) Some Pundits Loved Wandy (Not Me) but as the season progresses Wandy has been more then manageable in fact he has been Don’s best overall starter and surprisingly could be after 20 wins if the Oreo cookies crumble correctly. The other weird thing is that Don is not out of this race yet; he could still make a run, and like Wandy, at the very least get some props for heading into next year.

JD Drewbacca- Matt Kemp OF LA-

You expected someone else? This large strapping man from LA was going to make or break his team…hmm who said that: “Unfortunately I lost a farm and he went with Kemp, and quite honestly I think his team/draft hinges right here. Can Kemp bust out to super stardom? Will he be the combo of pop and speed this Kissing Bandit needs?” Yes he can (even if Torre bats him 9th), and Yes he is. Hence Mike is in the free food, and maybe the Eets a Boat! Mix, I was wrong with that bottom 3rd prediction and Kemp is the Major reason why…Good on ya sir.

Jay Moon- Kevin Youkillis, 1b, BOS-

Moon kinda resembles this guy too…well at least they are both white, OK I am running our of ideas with this, can you tell I wrote it in one sitting? But in this fantasy/reality of ours Youk is a constant source of Walks Runs and Rbi’s with the Average too boot. Moon is consistently towards the top and looks like a free dinner could be in his future, I liked his team a lot in the preseason, and still think it is good so in that parallel this Youk comparison is coming up roses.

And With that I need a Miller High Life….Lets do this midseason party all ready huh?