2014+Preview



Here we go again on our own....well 12 of us fantastic Whitesnakes do battle for another year. We continue the trend that THIS is just the best shiz around.A fantastic and record setting draft made it easy and fun while still maintaining LOTS of question marks this year. You know the deal by now, I sent you the questions, I will add a bit to each and everyone. BUT DID YOU KNOW THIS!!!

I got something brand new for you!!! media type="custom" key="25450174" Winston (jokingly?) inquired about trading for Pineda preseason and I clicked on the evaluate trade button in perusing a deal of Pineda for Kluber. What I saw surprised me, projections underneath the evaluation, give it a look-see: 

This is pretty interesting, it is in Signup order but it projects the whole seasons stats as Yahoo see's it...minus ERA and WHIP. I got no idea why they leave those two out, if you are guessing Yahoo! robot man, guess balls out or don't guess at all. Anyway, barring my and Winston's fake trade of Pineda for Kluber this is the way Yahoo see's our teams going forward, I did the math and broke down the 12-1 standings for each category and this is what I came up with: Again this is minus WHIP and ERA so the Loca's with the Kershaw first rounder is really hurting but it will be interesting to see if these preseason numbers are remotely close. Last year Fatone's Robot predicted Justin Upton and BJ Upton would be co-MVP's...so we know how those things go.

This is a neat new tool for those of you who played Yahoo Football you may remember they actually per-programmed up a full on preview with writing and everything. Thank God! 13 years of these is starting to get a bit taxing...let our Robot Overlords do the dirty work I got ughh, something, umm, better to do?!?! On second thought, DIE ROBOTS! DIE! Robots taking fake job's away from fake commish's so I can't put fake food on fake plates...wait we play for real food don't we, never mind, now I confused myself, lets just get into it shall we?

As always I am just dealing with your team as of the draft with my takes; I can’t keep track if you picked up Johnny Hotnuts or slipped the tongue to Malcolm McVultureSave. I am also doing this before I read your response to any of my questions, so any connection is just serendipitous. So in Draft Order...

**Bull**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

7 out of 8 pounds of lox

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Chapman…….Chapman…….ouch my face.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

Mike Ryniec’s…….Cause basically it’s 80% the team I was planning on drafting.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

Stephanie Littlebrook-Kid moved to Queens in 2004 from Tennesee shortly after a blood test revealed that her parents were not her actual birth-parents. The news crushed her soul and she went on a quest in search of her history.

A lot of shit happened….blah…blah…blah and another blood test was run against the New York State Criminal DNA database and it was a match to two separate yet equally talented jobbers. Stephanie tracked these two men to a little-man home for ex-cons…..upon meeting these men…they immediately recanted the greatest moment of their life.

“oh my Stephanie…..is that really you. We lost track of what happened after we got busted for doing coke on the Iron Sheik’s dashboard. But never fear….call us Daddy” In shock she said: “Why would I call you both daddy?”

“Well honey… you is the love child of the Haiti Kid and Lord Littlebrook. After getting splashed by Bundy, we hit the moonshine a little too hard with Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer….anyway Corporal Kirchner brought us this little piece of tale from GLOW that used to Skin the Cat….. if you know what I mean.

“This is fucked up” said Stephanie. I’m going to just going to tend bar in Queens and get hit on by Fantasy Baseball douchebags.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

Still partial to the one in my apartment on 1st Avenue. Still enjoy seeing my roommates face when she walked in and saw Tom doing a keg stand in the bathtub. That wasn’t really a weekend though.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Lets go wherever MLB opens the season…..Australia would have been pretty sweet this year.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

The usual. Eat a Dick…..Keg Stand. Kocksuckee Fuckudome

Questions 8-13: Please don’t make fun of Don McNally……he tries…..he tries very hard.

Tossing it back to the old school with the first pick taking Mig Cab over Trout and even older school with the Vball reference team name. Age and fatness always win out in the end, young in shape guys not remotely in their prime never work out...way to play it safe Bull! Make sure Winston has his pacifier in...not that one, on either end.
 * Commish Take: **

Other bats helping out the old fat drunk (aren't we all) from Detroit (thank god we aren't all) are Gomez, Gonzalez, Castro, Ramos...wait wait wait I thought Bull was racist, what is with all these beaners?!?!? media type="custom" key="25450300" Aww there is his white power boys with Holliday and Hardy, they are going to need to do a lot to keep these guys in line.

Bull buttered his biscuits on the pitching side of things. Yu Darvish is a Japanese stud, sexy, but not as much as an AWB. But Mio Takaba can't strike out 250 and Yu can. Lee as a 2 is scary, Chapman will be a monster if his Frankenstein stitches hold his skull in place, jezz I am not linking to that, feel free to Google that sumbitch yerself. Minus that injury Bull's pitching is excellently rounded out by Bailey and Latos as starters a possible steal if healthy Minor and long shot Archer. The Saves could be tough to find if Chapman is out long, but Bull can make moves, apparently he has been listening to a Bunch of Girl Talk, so I am sure he has taken Muddy and Ellen clubbing to work on his moves.

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Bull is in the middle of the pack, but it is obvious that the non era and whip hurts him as his staff is one of the best in the league. What do I think: //Commish Prediction//: Middle 3rd. Even with the pitchers I am not sure Bull's got enough bats to eat for free, but as one of the best managers consistently, he has a shot.

**Vig**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? Relaxed and fun. No stress or nothing. I like it when it's fun and loose, not overly competitive. It's my own decision. I have issues.

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?   As I said, this league is filled with a ton of heart and because of that, I was very happy to make certain that my heart would rest easy. Knowing that I have DJ on my team for the very last possible time he could ever grace any Rockem Sockem lineup ever makes me feel at peace. He and this league, YOU guys, mean so much to me. The pick I SHOULD have changed was the very same pick. I got no regrets though.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

I like Birdie and SPD 4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie: She had such a nice body. Thank you Bull. Um, backstory? If I had been given a little more time after the draft I think I could have gotten her WHOLE story. Se la vie

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care) This was my favorite actual draft. Such a perfect place. I would go back in a second. The most crazy experience for me was Vegas but it was almost too much debauchery. Slopes was a black blur for me...I know you guys liked it.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

I am more ready to go international than any other Rockem trip!! My vote for international is Italy. Let's find the amphitheater Pink Floyd played in Pompeii and dust off a wiffle game for the ages!! (EDITORS NOTE: Boosh! For those who don't know:) media type="custom" key="25612712"

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

Let's hang out more **Commish Take**: The Italian Stallion himself may have had the best draft spot as lots of decisions were made for him and we all know Jay, that is probably for the best...leave the kid alone to make up his own mind and look the fuck out. Mayhem and chaos and uhhh 22 year old's getting railed. Then again he sat next to me at the draft so maybe my polite reserve and levelheadedness rubbed off on him....eww.

Trout is tasty from lakes and at number 2. He set the tone for JV's offense with well rounded dudes who do a little bit of everything well. Wright, Posey, Hosmer, Freeman, Phillips, Zobrist, Venable will help Jay make waves across the board, wise moves. Some fliers like Brown and Crawford could pay big dividends, and are worthy gambles while Ben Revere is only a bit slower then Paul Revere on his horse: media type="custom" key="25450528" Oh Shizzy second Beastie video already, going to be a good one...

On Jay's pitching front things are a bit more wonky. Shields and Vig's main man Iwakuma are solid two's but one is going to have to elevate to numero uno status to push Jay's starters up a notch, Sabathia Bucholz and Haren all could jump up to that level too, so things overall aren't shambles and his back end (eww twice) is looking fly with lots of stoppers (butt plugs). Papelboner, Soriano, Street, right there is a good bunch of closers who should pile up saves. Vig has got an interesting well rounded team...hmm

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Top 1/3rd, That Vig will come close to topping the league but his lack of a frontline starter could hurt with the mystery ERA and WHIP. //Commish Prediction//: Top 3rd. I think Vig fights it out for free eats too, something seems "on" about this team, maybe it is the Jeter pick...hey if vig is going to win any year it will be Jeter's last right?

**Mike**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

On a scale of “bars-I-went-to-after-the-draft-that-I-don’t-remember-being-at”, I’d have to give my draft a rating of “?”. I liked it a whole lot at the time! Looking now, it’s a real young team with a lot of question marks. I could have used a few more Jay Bruce-types… in my line-up and maybe to help me find my credit card.

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Gonna do this one in reverse…. I should have taken Hosmer and sent Wil Myers into the Quick Pick. Although both picks have a certain degree of sexiness, the lesson of the day from that point on was quite simply “DO NOT SEND THE SEXY PICK INTO THE SNAKE!”

With Hosmer gone to Jay Vig and a lesson learned, I liked a lot of my picks in those middle rounds – Heyward, Adams, in particular – because I knew they wouldn’t make it back to me… granted, I thought it would be Jay and not Bull that I would be driving crazy all day! But there you have it.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

Love the bats of Dogzilla, love the arms on Puig’s in a Blanket, but I gotta say there’s a reason the guy won three in a row… C-Town is solid! Again. The more things change…

I’d also say keep an eye on The Commish. Two emo rounds and then got down to bizness in a big, big way.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

She goes to lots of weddings but rarely with a date.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

Short answer is all of them.

Long answer, for me, breaks down into two very important categories – the insane amount of fun we had at the time, the insane amount of dedication it took from everyone to make it happen. If that’s going to be my X and Y axis, the ski house draft is plotted above all others… but not by much.

Florida, Vegas, AC are all right there. And I gotta say, this year was pretty fantastic! I would love a repeat for 2015. Just exclusive enough, which to me is always a Rockem motto.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

If my X and Y axis are still in play, this one has a chance to be off the charts.

An international incident... An intentional accident…. Rockem Sockem 15!!!

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

I can’t believe I didn’t take a panoramic shot of the draft room. All I wanted for the wiki and I spaced on it. We absolutely rock in that format.

**Commish Take**: We all knew Ryniec was taking Kershaw, it was a foregone conclusion, but what might have been a surprise is his handling of the snaaaaake. media type="custom" key="25469244" After a few guys didn't get regurgitated from the serpent pick Mike went ham and decided to grab his favorites before they entered the mouth of the reptile. It left his team exciting but with perhaps a bit too many question marks.

On the bat side grabbing the Laser Show then three pale boppers (Myers, Bruce, Trumbo) may give a decent combo of Average/HR's but his all honkey squad could use a bit of speed, nothing shows up in that category til long shots Eric Young Jr. and Dee Gordon who both may be bench players to start the season. Heyward could be huge, I think an MVP type year is on the horizon for him, just not sure when he gets it together. Late picks Rasmus and Castellanos I feel will be great value, but as it stands there seems to be a few gaps on his stick and that's just weird.

As for arms it is no doubt Mike loves his staff, always having one of the best around...no one's ever gonna keep him down! media type="custom" key="25469266" Try getting that song out of your head now... Kershaw will win the Cy Young and maybe 20 games...it is crazy to think how many wins he lost out on last year. Def worth top 5 in my book. Pairing him with Cain, Wacha, Tony Cig's and Wood is a nice mix of young and old that will be close to tops. Especially when you factor in Reed, Cishek and Parnell in the pen. I am glad a non Mets fan got Parnell, a blown save in real baseball is bad enough, pairing that with Rockem is deadly (side note, Have fun Neezer with Robertson).

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Dead last but he gets hit hardest with two ZERO's in pitching. //Commish Prediction//: Middle 1/3rd: I think the question marks strike it even with the possibilities leaving Mike in the middle of the pack.

**Birdie**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Definitely better than that Russian strip club we went to. 8 out of 10

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Happy to get Cruz, hopefully has a solid year. Pissed Corbin blew out his shoulder the next day after drafting, he was going to be a solid pitcher this year.

2) Whose team are you most impressed with?

BK. Vig had a great first third of the draft, he should be up there.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

Her name used to be Stephen.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

AC, Boardroom with League name on the door!! Man that was a long time ago.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Definitely! Hopefully somewhere warm or Montreal

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

In the words of Spock….”Live long and Rockem!”

**Commish's Take**: I feel like Bird was quiet all draft, focused and determined...then why does his team suck so much?!?! I Keeeeeed, I Keeeeeeed. Lets look for real. Love his CI's first 2 picks and I think he was VERY happy that the Jewish Nazi from the desert fell to him at 4. With Longoria next that puts a good start all across the offensive board. I am not a fan of Carpenter that early as I think there is no way he repeats last year, but I also hate the Cardinals so I may be biased. Rios 5 is really nice, he is a tricky cat but his SB's and Runs alone will be worth it. Werth and Cruz are going to turn out to be high value picks and all of a sudden Bird has a damn good offense, Marte's speed helps as does the late offering of Middlebrooks who looked great to end last year. Hmm...this team is pretty good so far. (Birdie is getting nervous...)

On the arms side things will be anchored by the Yellow King Felix. media type="custom" key="25469420" I think that video is great. Do people believe in the Anabalic Sanchez? Birdie better because with Corbin's arm popping he is a little light with starters. Closers on the other hand, not an issue, Nathan, Freiri and Latroy...wait await wait Latroy?!?!? Ok maybe the arms aren't as good as the bats, but the season is long and everyone loves trading in this league...Right?

//Yahoo! Thinks//: 4th place, but like the guys above him I think he benefits from their lack of pitching stats. //Commish Prediction//: Middle 1/3rd Birdie could make some noise but in the end I think he falls a bit short.

**McNally**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Using a Rockem Sockem size order scale (Bull the being the tallest, Eben being the shortest?), I rate myself a McNally because I’M TALL!! DAMMIT!!! But I hope it turns out that I’m Bull... Can’t believe I just typed that...

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed? I was happy to have gotten Mauer where I did (round 7?). Playing first base while remaining catcher eligible should make for a healthy season with the bat. I was going to say I’d change the Medlen pick, seeing as how he’s having Tommy John surgery and we all knew it. I had the damn injury report up on my laptop screen! However, that was in the 21st round and really isn’t hurting my team. How about that Corey Hart in the 14th?!? I’m calling that my “whiskey pick”

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

There’s really not one team that stands out to me. I like different things about a couple of squads. I dig Gallagher’s pitching if Price and Verlander can put it together.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

Great job on the place, Bull! It was a great spot and Stephanie was just as great! She cracked jokes and poured shots... uh, I mean... not shots... because shots weren’t included in the open bar. But GLASSES of Jameson were?! What you guys don’t know is that Stephanie was working hard to impress us so that we’d tip big enough for her to afford a flight to Toronto so she could audition to replace “Scary Spice” in...

WANNABE: The Spice Girls Tribute Band?!?! https://www.facebook.com/WannabeSGT

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

Hmmm... AC Limo ride home! The whole ski weekend (thanks, roommate)! Spring training! The stretch limo pulling up outside the hotel in Vegas to pick up Fatone and I just minutes after we checked in was pretty baller...

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Sure... Did we pick a country? I think we should get Rosetta Stone for the league so we can all learn the country’s native tongue... and than draft in that language.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

Tienen una gran temporada!

**Commish Take**: In looking at the squad I think McNally has a fun team, a shot at being well rounded but overall something that feels like a patchwork. "Patchwork Quilt" is a good Warren Haynes solo jam, but have you guys heard him cover "One"? Spine Tingling: media type="custom" key="25469702" Maybe it is because his team doesn't dominate any category but tries to cover all with McCutchen leading the way. Beltre is the same boat as is Pence Mauer Cuddyer Kendrick Hunter and his bouncing boy Markakis. Segura and McClouth will have to pick up the speed which will be tough but McNally did take lots of power flyers though with Grandy, Smoak, and Teix. Seems like a respectable well rounded offense, Kinda like what Vig did, but I leaning more towards the Italian's picks for some reason. Lets see the arms.

Sure I could make an easy joke about the Medlan pick, but I am above that. Don't worry Donny I got your back. McNally's Closers will put him in the mix as Holland was amazing last year and could easily repeat those numbers while Romo always gets it done. Strasburg is going to be huge this year and I really wanted him. He anchors a rich top 3 with the LA duo of Greinke and Weaver backing him up. Neise would be a good 5 if it wasn't for the injury, oh wait Don I must have messed up, you drafted Matt Harvey Bruce Rondon Brandon Beachy Patrick Corbin and Jarrod Parker this year too right? Team Tommy John!!!!! BOOSH!

//Yahoo!// Thinks: Bottom 3rd. //Commish Prediction//: Middle 1/3rd Ok everywhere, great nowhere in bats (unless all power pans out) and not enough arms at this point to win.

**Shawn**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

There are lots of different levels of measurement, we could go the Nominal Scale where one value is really not greater then any other, or we could go with a Ratio scale equating an absolute zero point...but I will just rate my Draft on the SPD scale: Sexy early, Sloppy late. Could take over the world, could explode instantly, no matter what it will be fun as fucking hell. Yup that fits me.

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

I think everyone in the bar could see my erection after my first 2 picks so that boner will speak for itself, but a late one I really like is Liriano in the 16th. I think that has the opportunity for massive upside (or flaming destruction).

I am not sure I would have changed much of anything, I wanted a lot of guys but the league seemed pretty lock step with me (especially BK as always and Mike which was a surprise). I guess I would have liked to have taken Wacha over Gio to amp the sexy factor but I got high hopes for the Nats this year.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with? Read the previews Jerky.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

A failed Hooters waitress Stephanie was making her way from Fort Myers Beach. where she never really fit in to the bright lights of Broadway. She made multiple stops on her way, driving a limo at the Palms in Vegas, Ski instructor at Hunter Mountain, pouring jager bombs in AC, slinging beak in 7-11 parking lots, even moonlighting as a Karaoke hostess having to deal with a crank ridden couples butchering Neil Young. Finally, ending up at her destination she was bummed to learn her room had been rented to a bartender from Slopes who was in town for the spring.

Dejected she made her way to Williamsburg where she worked her first shift at LIC bar only to be drawn into the world of high risk/high reward fantasy baseball...and the rest of the story will have to wait until after her date with Vig.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care) I literally love them all. I think AC will always have a special place in my heart and may not get the love it deserves but that is the one that really raised the bar so I will chose that one today, but tomorrow I may feel different. Thank you guys all for still being so committed to Rockem.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem International I am, but I think in chatting with people I may have jumped the gun with my giddiness, if one person can't do it then none of us can, so we will probably have to decide very soon.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors? Again, Read the facking Preview.

**Guest Preview This Year From The Italian Stallion himself, Jay Vigliucci**:

First of all, what an honor to be giving the hardest-working commissioner his review. I loved sitting next to this man as he was a good and calming influence. Its also so much easier to be able to ask the Commish if this guy is around or is this guy alive or did he break his arm before I picked someone stupid. The Commissioner is on top of it and the chit chat in between it all was so fun I think I want that seat again next year. Whew, run-on sentence much? What I like the most about the Commissioner's team is the balls. media type="custom" key="25612756" The big big big balls with first pick Bryce Harper! Wow! That's not where I would have gone. At the same time I think that you only win in this league if you take chances and that's a hell of a chance. . And then here come's PUIG!! The PUIG IS BACK!! Awesomenss. Wainwright. I like Wainwright. And I like GIO Gonzalez. I think that that's a good one two. I think that Brian McCann is going to have a great season. And Ryan Howard... man who knows if that dude can finally return the form? Maybe, maybe not, but its a good test in the 15th round. Not to mention Michael Pineda in the double deuce. When I look, look, look at the Commission's team, I'd say there's there's an awful lot of balance and upside. Aside from the obvious first pick which is daring as all fuck. All I can say is, the man is wise and I fear his team like I fear my own smell.

I say top third. Editors Note: Thanks J!

Yahoo! Thinks: Middle of the Pack Commish Take on Self: Bottom 1/3rd too much risk not enough reward.

**BK**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)? On a scale of Draft Day '14 experience, I will give my draft a: THROWING-THE-FOOTBALL-IN-THE-COURTYARD I liked the look of my team at end-draft with a similar, simple joy as that thawing, daytime toss around combined with anticipation. (....and the injuries to some of may later-round players since, befits my later evening debacles of this scale all too well).

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?   Stoked: Billy Hamilton. He may not be able to steal first base, as Tom likes to remind, but it will be fun to see if he can run a category. Change: Jose Altuve. Serviceable enough for the 2B world, but I told myself not to take him going because he was overrated, and there would be other guys just as serviceable, later. I wanted a few pitchers in that spot and they all wound up being taken in that swing.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with? McNally (Kiner). He may need a starter to emerge from the wire, but I love the across-the-board balance. (Also impressed with the amount of pitching Jeff went with).

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie: Stephanie's conflicted over her recent weight-loss. She's happy to be more fit, but she really misses her ass. I thought she carried it well.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care) Many cherished; many forgotten. The moment we walked into the board room at AC, with the sprawling view and Rock'em shirts splayed on the tall office chairs solidified the 'something special' that I was a part of.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International? Probably not. But, the thought of crowning an Intercontinental Champion is exciting.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

Missing the Boat.

**Commish Take**: I never like drafting next to Brian, let me amend that, I never like being in the same league with Brian. Does everyone else realize what bad luck he had last year AND STILL FINISHED IN 4th! The kids got in on lock, so lets look at the squad. Bing Bang Boom power is covered in his first 3 picks, the boom stick will be swinging often in C-Town: media type="custom" key="25470058" The average might be an issue but dragging Choo and Sandoval into the Grocery could alleviate that. Speed, well well well, BK beat me to Billy Hamilton with the 66th pick off the board, and that could take care of all speed issues, or he could be in Triple A come June. I don't think that will be the case though and I think Mr. Kelly will be like his former students on spring break, tits out in the sunshine, on speed.

For his arms BK looks pretty damn well rounded as well. Maddy Bum! Gotta get him his song: media type="custom" key="25470094" Young sexy hurler Gerrit Cole may have lots of years in C-Town as much as BK digs on him grabbing him perhaps a round early (but we all love him) and Salazar throws heat. Pairing them with a returning Cole Hamels and reliable Kuroda gives BK one of the deepest Staffs in Rockem. His pen might not be world class with Grilli, Jones and a few MI's who could luck into saves, it is still solid...damn it, I hate playing with BK.

Yahoo! Thinks: Middle 3rd Commish Prediction: Top 1/3rd Yahoo! doesn't know BK...and they should, he always wins.

**Eben**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

Horrendous. About 20 minutes ago Jack vomited on me. Even after a shower I currently smell like an elementary school gymnasium as we approach midnight...yet still, that aroma is preferable to the feeling I get when glancing at my roster.

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

I was actually quite pleased with Arenado; as for the regrets, there are so many that the Rhinos are already considering this a reestablishment year - as in we are hearkening back to our days of youth when we would pick Derek Jeter in the first round and not know why everyone sat around in stunned silence.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

Mine. You really have to almost try to make this many poor selections while staying in the proper draft range. Think about it, if someone said "We need you to assemble the worst team in fantasy baseball history, while also staying within appropriate ranking-per-draft-slot parameters," you couldn't really get much more perfectly worse than this...the 2014 Spearmint Rhinos are sort of like the fantasy equivalent of Brewsters' Millions.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

Unless she was at the Angels and Vagabonds show, I haven't the slightest idea who Stephanie is. I suppose she was the dame running around while I asked Bull - under a sober noon sun - if the wrist band should go on my wrist before proceeding to draft. The most coherent moment of the draft weekend was walking into Ellas and having Winston say (wrongly, it's worth noting) that this is a "cocktail bar." I don't know how they were legally allowed to call those glass cups of maple moonshine "Sidecars." The next thing you know, some aging Libertarian Beatnik is plowing through girls and strangers to form a one-man mosh pit for Queens Boulevard Serenade.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

That's simple: the breakfast(s) at the Outrigger. The sun was out, the draft day was at hand, I enjoyed multiple breakfasts with two distinct wings of Rockem Sockem, Jeff was lost, so was his cell phone, Jay Moon had some insight into the whole affair but he was busy sleeping, everything was as it should be. Then we closed the weekend with a car ride to the airport with private citizens. Do you know they actually have an App for that? It's called Ubber.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Yes, although I recommend we go to one of the more courteous Caribbean Islands where they both make baseball players and adhere to the rule of English law.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

You are welcome. One down...ten competitors to beat. Never go to an A&V show the night before the biggest day of the year. The irony is that I can think of so many worse things, so many more unseemly events that somehow turned out better than my draft day. I once knew a guy who excused himself to the restroom in the middle of a job interview and GOT the job. Even that turned out better than this. I will only say this, sometimes the worst thing ever - like the Internet, Smart Phones, 20th Century Constitutional Amendments, Income Tax, et cetera - actually have far greater lasting power because they are so chaotically absurd. They are like Anti-Matter. It cannot be understood to its fullest degree, but it is actually the most powerful force in the universe. Here is to hoping that a draft that includes Jason Kipnis and Ian Desmond and Jose Reyes in the first four rounds is the anti-matter of our league. **Commish Take**: This pretty much sum's up Eben's Preview: media type="custom" key="25470168" I don't get paid by the word but I will add a little more anyway: Eben looked like he had a plan going in targeting MI's all across the board because the positions are so thin (Or whatever book he read on the train up told him too) but things seem to go off the rails after his second side car. In an interesting twist, playing a show the night before did not really affect Don, Vig or I, but Eben took it on the facking nose. He was hurting and the end of the draft it shows.

Things are scattered smothered and smashed. I love it, makes this prediction kinda easy.

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Top Third //Commish Take//: Bottom 1/3rd You better hope Yahoo is right Neezer, Cause I don't see free eats for this Motley Crue.

**Moon**:  1. Avg.

2. Sale - missed him by one pick last year to Mike. I’ve been looking to add some South Side to my life. Craig in the 5th didn’t have enough pop in the first 4 rounds paid for it in later rounds.

3. SPD – love the risk/reward across the board. First or last it’s going to be fun to watch.

4. Bull likes his bartenders like he likes my cats.

5. Wilson dropping pop foul at Spring Training

6. Can you say Southern Hemisphere…we can take my jet.

7. Check the tweets

**Commish Take**: Moon's team seems to be the one team this year I am having a hard time getting a read on. Take it easy Moon that might not mean good things, last year it was Tom's Squad I had a hard time understanding and we know how epically bad that squad was. Lets dig in. media type="custom" key="25470404" Going Canu solidifies a wasteland position and I don't think he drops off much. Ellsbury is already hurt but in Yankee Stadium one of the next 3 years could be massive with that short porch (I hope it's not this one). Other bats of note...ewww...I just don't have that much faith in Donaldson and Craig repeating, Moss and Andrus producing at their slot and Victor Martinez doing much of anything. I do like his late plays of Carter, Nava and especially Davis and Crisp, but I am not sure how this offense is going to come together and shake like jello media type="custom" key="25470368" On the pitch side of the fence Moon has really made the most of things though. Max David Bowie Eyes and Sale, make up the best 1-2 in Rockem. Ryu Lester and Straily all have potential to be 2's or conversely I guess smell like poop. I think they will do well like his young fire-balling closer in St. Louis or Jim Johnson in Oaktown closing games for the underrated A's. Solid pitching but I am just not sold on the bats...and that could spell trouble in Chi-Town and for the Twins if Daddy gets ANGRY!!!

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Middle Third. //Commish Prediction//: Bottom 1/3rd Just don't see Moon winning title number two this year.

**Tom**: 1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

On a scale of mental illness with 1 being a normal, well adjusted adult and 10 being homicidal multiple personality disorder, my draft is Bi-Polar.

I usually draft steady and reliable players but coming in last place last year shook me to the core. THE CORE! Verlander and Price are the foundation type of guys I usually take but everything else is either high risk-high reward, VERY high risk-high reward, or Adam Dunn.

I do plan on having around 800,000 strikeouts, though (hopefully my pitchers).

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Stoked about this Yordano Ventura kid. He could be lights out (in 2017). Worth the reach in round 19.

Simmons in the 7th round was a panic move when I didn't follow my own rule of always having a back up pick ready. If he hits 17 bombs again as my MI, I'll get over it.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

I love Vig's line up. If his pitching doesn't tank I think he's eating for free.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

The story of her back seems to be very good genes and very good jeans.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

Many can be chosen but at the moment I'm remembering Winston being at the Vegas draft on time but not really showing up until about the 5th round.

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Nope.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

Good luck amigos. Every year I want to win and I want to win bad, but I can't begrudge anyone else that wins (except for Eben*) because this league truly is the best.


 * as long as I win first, Eben could win 10 in a row and it would be fine with me. If he wins before, it would be one the worst things that has ever happened to me. I can't emphasize that enough.

**Commish's Take**: If ever someone needed a bounce back year it is the Puig's in a comfy blanket, forgetting 2013 Tom got to draft in his home borough so he did the logical thing and went safe...Tulo, Votto, Kemp...wait Tom took who?!?!? Gambling early Tom took Tulo, but then got perhaps the steadiest hand on the board with Votto. All in all a good pairing, if a touch risky, but hey you need to be in this league. The Kemp pick may win him the league or have him flashing back to Fort Myers. I am not sure where Kemp belongs this year, I have no joke for that. Other bats of note are Alvarez, Simmons, Gardner, Bourn? Uggh. Big bats and speed mix in with Tom's team but I don't like it.

Offensively it will be interesting to see who finishes higher Tom or McNally as I see consistency in Don's and extreme's in Toms. Galbowski's real man crush now that Thome is gone (he loves his beefy honkey's don't he?!?) Dunn makes a return swing a stick (or walking) as well as his big axe, classic. He will always be officially your boy now Tom, you are his Babe. media type="custom" key="25470566" Wow that brought back memories. I like Tom's arms better then his bats with Price and Verlander being a really great 1-2 (second only to Moon's). Moore and Cashner are guys who could string it together and become aces as well. A trio of Closers helps the back end of things. Tom is always willing to make a deal, and I am thinking he may need to, even if Kemp comes back to form. I haven't even mentioned the upcoming Tulo Injury....

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Bottom 3rd //Commish Prediction//: Bottom 1/3rd I gotta agree with the exclamation point.

**Fatone**:

1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

I feel great about this draft, maybe my beat yet, just not sure I'll be able to keep up with the pitching staff to fill in the gaps

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

I was stoked about the reaction to Abreu when I finally pulled the trigger. The commish nearly pulled a fast one

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

My team is the only team that matters

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

I'm looking forward to the story down the road when Jeff and Vig take her out to a ballgame

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

I'm sticking with the first night of Vegas, so good

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem

Not at the moment

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

Good luck goons

**Commish Take**: Can you win a league punting a full category? Dogzilla will try it again, going after it with Zero closers. He has come close in the past, but who knows, this league is tight as hell 11 points down to start is a tough hole to climb out of...that said...Fatone knows something about big holes! media type="custom" key="25470790" All bats to start from Don and I like the cut of his jib. There are lots of question marks in those picks, but I think more then most will turn out for him (can't believe he snagged Abreu, thought for sure he was mine). Power shouldn't be an issue at all speed might be, with only Martin being a true bag swipper with playing time, but if he has room for Davis And Raja gets the at bats that could be negated, Don has the best stick in the league. There I said it.

Arms are a whole 'nother ball of waxy string. Tanaka is nice, but would rather him a 2-3 then a staff anchor. Love Miller and Burnett Picks, iffy on Lynn and Cueto. As already stated his Closers are no where to be found, so either Don dominates O and tries to ride it on the wire or he busts a move with a trade: media type="custom" key="25470894" (Finishes Dancing) lets get to predictions,

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Winner, Don obviously benefits the most if we disregard ERA and WHIP so of course he tops Yahoo...but: //Commish Prediction//: Top 3rd Maybe the purple people know what they are talking about this time, I am not sure if he can win it but he can def fight to eat for free, we shall see.

**Winston**:

1) How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?

On a scale of scales, I'd rate my team a triple beam. Lyrical dream. Rappers love rapping about them, drug dealers love them, they are super functional, and they have old school cache. Not digital. Speaking of which - the only thing worse than Michael Kay is Michael Kay talking about tweets. Can you mute a tweet? Help me out Moon. Shout out to the deli counter scale though.

2) One pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?

Really excited to watch Jose Fernandez win 15 games on a "shitty" team. Also really juiced about Warren Zevon. Oh, wait. Did I draft Zevon? Well I meant to. I was so pumped when Tom went the extra dollars on Tom Waits. That meant I was sure to get Zevon for value. Oh shit, wrong draft. Anyways, I wanted to punt 3rd base (give it the gas face in a sense) going in, but it doesn't feel right coming out of the draft with only Ashy to Classy and Moussaka, my favorite dish (hands down) from a past Armenian existence.

3) Whose team are you most impressed with?

Mine.

4) Bull did a fantastic job setting up the draft spot, but he had some help. Give me a backstory about our bartender Stephanie:

Shout out to Bull who did an amazing job setting up that spot. That was one of my favorite draft spots of all time. What a day. It worked amazing well. As for Stephanie, I'm pretty sure she secretly owns the Riverhead Inn through an anonymous LLC. Additionally, she thought about us all "taking her" in that little room all day long. And ever since. But take her where? Oh, and I almost forgot! She's been in both the Ski House hot tub and the hot tub in our vegas room - both before we ever did. Like 15 years prior.

5) Which past overall draft weekend/experience stands out the most in your mind? (I may have asked this question already but I don’t care)

Can't say I remember any of them.... To be fair this is more of a 45 minute conversation at the mid season party, or whenever. Quite a few have been absolutely epic. It's always a ride. Oh wait! Draft number one for sure! Because you guys had 2 girls and Shawn ended up "winning".

6) Are you ready for Rockem 15: Rockem Goes International?

Here's to hoping I have a black amex by then.

7) Anything To Say to your competitors?

I have love for (and love) each one of you. Being a part of Rockem is truly an honor and one of the most treasured and beautiful experiences of my life. What's crazy is that as many memories as I have have to fondly look back on I have to look forward to with you wonderfully crazy motherfuckers. Which reminds me -

Eat a dick. I'm winning this year. Dinner at Noma. In Stockholm.

**Commish Take**: (Applauding) (Now typing). Thanks to Jeff we had our fastest draft ever, and our most Jewy breakfast ever! Bagels were a great move and need to continue for NYC drafts...Nucious. Besides the lox and egg salad Jeff brought his A game even coming off a night of debauchery. His first snake pick has power, balancing two top players with Jones and Fielder, recipe for mega offense assuming Fielder doesn't get divorced again this year. Upton and Kinsler fill needs but the 8 and 9 Hamilton Butler Picks fill in the stat sheets, Hamilton could bounce way back and I see big things from the Royals....loving that offense like Two Chainz loves spending money.... media type="custom" key="25470974" The place where I am most surprised is his staff, I thought Fernandez would have gone WAY earlier in this league and I think looking back in October may be considered the steal of the draft with the 60th overall pick. Backing him up with Tehran Gray and Cobb makes Jeff all in on the young arms movement and I gotta say I love it. Of course, I always seem to take pitchers a year too early so that may be the case here but the upside is just so sweet with that rotation. The Bullpen has enough arms (Jansenn, Rodney, Soria, Brothers) that he should be at the top of the saves list, but with the young pitchers and closers in hitters parks the ERA and Whip could be an issue...all the at said lets wrap this monster up.

//Yahoo! Thinks//: Bottom 3rd //Commish Thinks//: Top 1/3rd. Yahoo is crazy, love the balance and risk mix, think it is the right formula for Jeffe, like a half geeky draft.

**OVERALL**: Here’s where I say the patented sentences and I seriously mean them (Except that we all know BK will probably win again):

== The league is waaaay too tight, injuries and breakout seasons are what will decide this year’s champ. ==

== It will come down to the final days like always and something weird will probably decide the title and who eats for free. ==

I seriously believe anyone can win this thing…and the great thing is, someone will.
So here are the overall predictions: 12: Eben 11: 10: TIE: Moon & Tom 9: Shawn 8: McNally 7: 6: TIE: Mike & Bull 5: Birdie 4: Fatone 3: Vig 2: BK 1: Jeff